My Daughter Died From an Overdose. I’m Sharing Her Story to Help Others.

“Tell them my story.”

My 20-year-old daughter Casey said these words to me not long before she died of an accidental heroin overdose on January 15, 2017.

She said that if something were ever to happen to her, she’d want me to write an honest obituary about her struggles with addiction. I trembled at the thought of this. “I would want to help someone else. To make them feel less alone” she explained. “Even if it’s just one person.”

About a week later, in our home — in the same room where we had tea parties and bedtime stories, slumber parties and mother-daughter nights with snapchats and long talks — she overdosed.

Now seven months later, as I walk through that room every day, memories of a little girl dancing with her younger brother and snuggling with her dog are overshadowed by images of CPR and tears.

Casey overdosed sitting next to her packed suitcase. She was supposed to leave for rehab the next day. She wanted to try again, to make a better life, to live. She had hope. I had hope.

Six days later it was over. She died in the hospital. The same hospital where I work as a radiology technician.

It was time for me to keep my promise, to fulfill Casey’s last wish, and write her obituary with the transparency that we had discussed.

So I did.

Casey’s obituary went viral. Strangers lined up at the funeral home to pay their respects. Messages of love and support and gratitude poured in. Casey’s story was featured in major newspapers, blogs, magazines, news stories and websites across the world. There have now been thousands of comments and messages sent to me through social media in response to Casey’s obituary.

People addicted themselves, families struggling with a loved one’s addiction and many others said they were touched, inspired, and comforted by Casey’s story. They talked of the connection they felt to us and thanked Casey for being a voice for those with addiction. And they thanked me for being a voice for the thousands of families affected.

I was already humbled and touched by the outpouring of support from around the world, and then I received a call from Washington, D.C.

“Casey’s story has reached the White House, and we are listening,” said the person from the Executive Office of National Drug Control Policy.” Wow. Hearing this was overwhelming and an honor.

But the true honor was in the words of the messages I received. From families who have someone struggling or have already lost a child; People struggling who have lost friends; Teachers who brought Casey’s obituary to class; Counselors who keep it in their office; Doctors who have shared it with colleagues when discussing the epidemic; and Recovery groups who have it hanging in their meeting places.

Most important were the messages from those in recovery who said, “I have it in my pocket and it keeps me going another day when I feel like giving up.” And those actively struggling with addiction who said, after reading Casey’s story, “I’m going to seek treatment.”

These are the messages that brought me to tears. I answered every one of them. These were the messages that let me know that what started as a promise between a mother and daughter, turned into a legacy.

We couldn’t have ever imagined her obituary would go viral, reaching people across the world. Casey talked about helping just one person but it turned out she helped so many. I hope she knows her wish came true.

How Did We Get Here?

I struggled for years with Casey: the sleepless nights, rehabs, relapses, the fear of that phone call. Like most mothers whose child struggles with addiction, I had already imagined my daughter’s funeral in my head. I hit a point where as much as I hated it, I realized I couldn’t save my daughter. I could only love her, encourage her, be there for her and support and pray she would find the strength to save herself. I had to do the hardest thing for a parent to do: step back a little, accept that I was helpless and that I couldn’t control the madness and pain she was going through, and accept the painful reality while fearing every minute that it could end in the worst way. Unfortunately, it did.

Before she passed, I laid awake every night wondering, Am I doing too much? Am I not doing enough? Give tough love or just love today?

Now I lay awake at night questioning the choices I made. Same questions but, tragically, past tense now. Did I do too much? Did I not do enough? If love alone could have saved her, she never would have died.

Casey was maybe guilty of some bad choices. But who among us is innocent of this? Once the disease stepped in, her choices weren’t all hers anymore. Addiction made choices for her. She tried, she fought, she struggled and a higher power finally said enough is enough and took her away from it all, but sadly away from us at the same time.

Our favorite saying was, “Everything happens for a reason.” I have a hard time accepting that now. What reason could there be for her to die so young and so tragically? Maybe this is it. Maybe it’s true when they say “Some people have to die so that others can live.” Another hard quote to accept, but maybe that gives meaning to my heartache. Maybe that’s why her story traveled so far and touched so many — so that others can live.

My daughter died, but my journey with her and this demon is still here, just in a different form now.

Now I live with the memories, good and bad, the regrets and what-ifs, all the future milestones that she dreamed of that will never happen, all the things she has missed already, all the days that she was supposed to have.

Her future was supposed to happen, she was supposed to argue with me over future wedding plans, she was supposed to bring her babies to visit and call me and say things like, “Mom the baby is crying. What should I do?” She was supposed to have more laughs with friends and memories with her brother and family. She was supposed to debate with people on Facebook and tag me all day long on deep quotes and funny memes. She was supposed to have more mother-daughter days, singing with me in the car. I could go on and on with all the little and big things every day that hit me that Casey was supposed to do. She was supposed to grow old, supposed to live longer than 20 years 8 months and 60 seconds. She was supposed to bury me.

So where do I go from here? I have to believe maybe this is what she was actually supposed to do. This is what I am supposed to do. This is the “reason” — to speak out about Casey’s struggles and death. Tell her story. Maybe putting it all out there and possibly saving another is the legacy of her life that needs to be fulfilled.

Losing Casey was devastating and life changing and a piece of me died with her, but I can’t and won’t live in shame. I was proud of my daughter, no matter what. Relapses and mistakes didn’t change that, because she always picked herself up and tried again. I was so proud of her bravery and her openness about her disease.

I will honor her strength, even in death. I will continue to tell Casey’s story, spread her message to families and others struggling with an addiction, that they are not alone. I will do my best to bring awareness and break the stigma. If just one person read her obituary or her story and was touched by it or connected to it, then Casey and others will not have died in vain.

All those who have read it or reached out to me are now part of Casey’s story. Her story and the stories of others lost don’t have to end with their death. They can still reach those who are still here and maybe make someone else’s journey a little easier and possibly even the happy ending that they craved so badly.

Every family and every addict has their own journey, and while there are differences, they’re all a result of the same merciless disease. When you love a person in the grips of addiction, we have to make choices, hard choices, on how we deal with our individual situations. Others will do it differently, but we’re all in this together.

Reach out. Get Help. Speak up.

Whether you have someone you love who is struggling or have already lost them, you’re not alone. You have others around you who have walked the same path. Reach out to them. Get Help. If somehow you haven’t been touched by addiction yet, you will be. Get educated; knowledge can be a strong weapon. It’s time to give this epidemic the attention it needs or else it will continue to devastate and destroy our families and communities. Race, wealth, religion, none of it matters because addiction doesn’t discriminate. If it’s not already in your home, then it’s likely at your back door.

Casey was smart, fun, full of life with an amazing sense of humor, always put others before herself, had a strong home and family, and it took her as quickly as any other. She wasn’t just a number when she died — she was a daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend, and a person who was loved. This is the way I am handling my grief of losing my daughter, my baby girl.

So I’ll speak when asked, help whenever I can, and try to be strong as I play out my role in this club that nobody ever wants to join. It hasn’t gotten easier with time, time does not heal all wounds, but I’ll get out of bed every day, even when I don’t want to, and live. Sometimes it’s not about one day at a time, it’s about one hour, one minute, one breath at a time. I may not win this war, but I’ll go down fighting just like Casey and many others have.

My Daughter Casey Schwartzmier Died of an Overdose. I'm Sharing Her Story to Help Others

65 Responses

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    Barbara

    August 30, 2017 at 11:07 PM

    Michelle,
    My 33 year old daughter died March 10th 2017. She was admitted to the hospital November 10th. Heroin addict that apparently got fentanyl or worse. Nightmare can’t describe the months of wondering if she could rehabilitate. The choices I had to face were unimaginable. A nursing home for the rest of her life or hospice. God stepped in and took her and saved me from that heart wrenching choice.

    Now I am faced with a 29 year old son on suboxone. Two children….I am devasted by this opioid epidemic and not sure how to help make it known. My daughter’s death certificate said cause of death – natural causes, with a side note of probable overdose. I believe so many of these fatalities are under reported.

    My heart goes out to all that face this. We need to find a way to end rhis

      User Picture

      Pat

      August 31, 2017 at 9:17 PM

      Hi Barbara,
      I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and the choices you were faced with. I hope your son continues to stay the course and make healthy choices.
      Keeping you in my prayers,
      Pat

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    Michael odell

    August 26, 2017 at 1:29 PM

    I myself struggle everyday with addiction. I wake up every morning wondering how im going to find my fix today! Ive lost so many friends to this addiction. Why dont i stop or seek help you ask? Well ive been to numerous rehabs and detoxs and the they have helped but only for a short time to place i live in is riddled with drugs and the only way for me to stay clean is to move away but i DO NOT HAVE THE FUNDS TO DO THAT. So here i am back at it again i cry sometimes bc of my addiction and i try and talk about it but nothing seems to help my kids and my fiancé suffer everyday bc of me. I NEED TO GET HELP I KNOW I DO I NEED TO MOVE I NEED OUT OF THIS GAME. if can suggest anything please let me know… im so sorry for your loss may your angel rest easy…

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      Pat

      August 31, 2017 at 9:19 PM

      Hi Michael,
      Please reach out to our helpline at 1-855-DRUGFREE or chat with us to figure out a plan. There is help available and perhaps a different approach is needed.
      with lots of hope,
      Pat

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    Cheryl

    August 26, 2017 at 1:02 PM

    I have two daughters as well as myself. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. My husband plays the “blame game”. He’s the finger pointer and the funny thing is he’s an alcoholic!!! Oh he will tell you he quit cold turkey 27 years ago but has throughout it all dabbled in cocaine, pills, sexual addiction and he actually believes becsuse he has not drank that he is still sober. I wake up today growing to be an older woman pushing my middle 50’s. My middle daughter Stephanie takes my breathe away. I am her only support system. She has an abusive boyfriend and doesn’t have anything to cling to. Not even a god. She lives in darkness and doesn’t want help. Although she is on SUBOXENE she is addicted to Clonopin. Eats them like they are skittles. She agreed to go into rehab and felt cold alone and misunderstood. She was only there 7 days and all she wanted to do was come home. I too have thought about her funeral. I guess she can only save herself.

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      Pat

      August 30, 2017 at 5:00 PM

      Hi Cheryl,
      I can understand your struggle, wondering what to do to help your daughter. I know she signed herself out, but at least she took a step and stayed for 7 days. Perhaps a different place or a different program could help. It also sounds like she has sever anxiety if she is taking Klonopin “like skittles” and perhaps that is a place to start – getting her to address her anxiety.

      Hopefully with your support and love, she will re-engage with treatment.
      Wishing you and your daughter the best,
      Pat

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    Sandy M

    August 26, 2017 at 10:02 AM

    My son is 43 he has been in rehab 4 times. He is still addicted I have no idea of what to do any more. He has been in jail comes out clean in a week he’ll be back on the heroin. He works but most of his money goes back on drugs. He gets sick is clean for a few days, buys suboxene to try to stay clean but it never works. I pray alot for him on a daily basis. He knows he has a problem but I think he feels he can’t function without it. What am I to do? He was raised in a good loving home we lived well.

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      Pat

      August 30, 2017 at 4:56 PM

      Hi Sandy,
      I am so sorry that you and your son are struggling so. Often people need more support than just Suboxone or perhaps trying a different medication like Vivitrol could help. Also Suboxone comes in a 6-month implant so that might be a consideration also. Getting counseling help or attending an intensive outpatient program may be useful as well if he is willing.
      My prayers are with you,
      Pat

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    Ronnie Talbert

    August 25, 2017 at 8:44 PM

    My name is Ronnie Talbert , I have a ministry doing support groups for people coming out of jail and prison many with addiction. Your story is very touching and I wanted to offer you some support. In the Bible the book of Romans chapter 8 verse 28, the text says that God works in all thing for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose. The thought with the rest of the chapter is an encouragement to any in such trouble. In down to earth plane terms he’s not finished with us yet. May this God grant you peace as you trust in him. I am a minister and if I can help you or your family on that journey simply write me at : hisservant7478@gmail.com Our website is http://www.doingfortheleast.com
    The God Of Comfort Be With You
    Ronnie Talbert

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