I Got My Son Back: A Mother’s Struggle with Her Son’s Addiction

Barbara and Ryan Hampton - today

These days, I have a lot of hope and love. Yes, as we move toward the end of the year, I do have that feeling of real hope for a great year ahead. Much different from the constant fear I felt so many years prior when my son was actively struggling with substance use and heroin addiction.

I tend to keep things – letters, greeting cards, notes. But I have held closer than ever those few notes received from my son Ryan. For so many years I had the dismal thought that someday these papers would be all I’d have left of him. Notes on Christmas saying, “Mom, I’m sorry this year has been such a difficult one. 2004 holds much promise and with God’s grace, I’ll make it the best year yet.” And seven years later a note: “Dear mom, God does have a plan and I think I’m finally following it. Thank you for loving me as I am and always being there for me… love you, your son, Ryan.” However, it wasn’t until three more long and frightening years that Ryan finally came face to face with his addiction. Thankfully, far away in Los Angeles, Ryan finally found the medical rehabilitation he needed.

It was another S.O.S. cry for help, but this time Ryan was willing to sleep outside a detox center for as long as it took to be processed. He knew he needed help and would do anything to get it… But after just one short week of detox at a public facility, he wondered, “now what?” He had been told there was no bed for him. With grace and a lot of luck, Ryan was sent to treatment.

Getting My Son Addiction Treatment

The cost, at this point in my life, was beyond my financial ability. I was still paying off treatment he had received in years prior at substandard facilities that I had charged on credit cards. I even transferred to no-interest lines of credit in order to space out the payments for previous treatments. I was a widowed school teacher, with my last child still living at home and finishing college. With terror in my gut, I tearfully and patiently listened to the treatment personnel. They thoroughly explained the treatment and cost and enrolled him — even though I had no idea at the time how I’d be able to pay. I was able to come up with a down payment and a plan to pay the balance — and it was probably the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. Ryan was getting help, and finally had admitted to himself and others that he had a serious heroin addiction that would, if he didn’t do something about it now, eventually take his life. This is when the hard work began for him. Knowing your child is in treatment gives you a tremendous piece of mind and a break from the constant worry — but it is when the real hard work truly begins.

I understand that treatment centers can’t function on “a wing and a prayer,” and that payroll for good, qualified personnel and facility bills need to be paid in order to remain open. But when Ryan’s first 30 days were up, we all knew — especially Ryan — that he wasn’t ready to make the transition to the outside world… yet. I was completely out of resources and spoke directly with the owner of the center. I’ll never forget that call. Ryan was just beginning to stop believing his own lies — and was beginning to see that recovery is possible and worth the hard work. With the help of Ryan’s counselor, our family discovered the truth about his addiction. It’s a brain disease. And no matter how much he wanted to stop — without the proper counseling and daily support, recovery is almost impossible. They made it possible for Ryan to stay almost another month. With the honest and caring support of his counselors, Ryan was sent to a sober living facility after treatment, where he stayed for 18 months and continued his care.

"I still painfully remember that hot, burning feeling of terror in my chest and throat that I felt for so many years. My phone would hardly ring and I was always waiting for the one call I was so terrified to receive."

Barbara Hampton

Addiction’s Family Toll, and Our Eventual Healing

Our family suffered for years in silence through this horrific journey — but I had no idea that freedom for all of us was just around the corner. The physical, financial and emotional toll it takes on family members is devastating, but shame and silence are killers.

Our family is now bonded into a stronger and more loving unit because we can speak of Ryan’s health problem out loud. Ryan is recovering from a disease. We love, support and celebrate his life daily in recovery. Last year, he participated in his little sister’s wedding in Miami, the same little sister who for years feared she would wake up one morning and he would be dead.

Today, Ryan is doing so well and I’m incredibly proud of him. He works daily on his own recovery and has become a powerful voice and nationwide advocate for countless others in the process. When I watch the heart-wrenching videos of parents who have lost their sons or daughters to heroin overdoses, I still painfully remember that hot, burning feeling of terror in my chest and throat that I felt for so many years. My phone would hardly ring and I was always waiting for the one call I was so terrified to receive. Those thousands of calls I made that went unanswered and the hundreds of nights wondering if he was sick, warm, fed, alive or dead.

These days, I receive phone calls from my son regularly, just wanting to say hello. No longer do I fearfully search for him or wait by the phone hoping he checks in. I truly know he is healthy, working daily on his recovery and with an amazing life ahead. My heart is incredibly full of gratitude.

Our family is filled with promise. This process has been a healing one and Ryan’s life has been saved thanks to the right treatment. I’m a professional with a good job, and I had some limited resources to draw upon. But what about the countless families who truly have nowhere to turn? Compassion for Ryan and our family’s financial flexibility without question helped lead him to a life of recovery. Addiction is a disease and effective treatment should be available for all who are suffering. This year I plan to get more involved in how we, as a nation, can make this happen.

Learn Skills to Motivate Your Child to Get Help

As a parent, you can be a major influence on your child’s life if they’re struggling with substances. Learn specific skills on how to do it.

comforting clasped hands - parent and child

Barbara Hampton is mother to Ryan Hampton (author of “American Fix” and recovery advocate), public school teacher, and person in family recovery.

This post was originally published in 2017 and has been refreshed and republished.

12 Responses

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    November 5, 2018 at 9:01 PM

    I am so happy for you and your family and for Ryan of course. My son was multi addicted to benzo’sand H as we called it, still can’t even say the word as it scares the life out of me still. My son has been clean for 1 year and 4 months, he had a relapse 6 months into recovery but bounced right back thank goodness.
    I never thought I’d see the day, to ppl who still have loved ones who are not ready or do not think they can do it, please don’t lose hope, we did and am sure Ryns Mom lost hope but it i possible. God Bless your family and all the other familes still struggling with addction of a loved on xoxo

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    A Worried Mom

    October 24, 2018 at 10:06 PM

    So happy to hear the hope in your story. Many parents live with hopelessness and the terrible fact that it takes resources that are, for most, unavailable. Even if you can afford a facility, nearly all of them give thirty days of detox with some counseling and send you on your way. A lifestyle change has to be made and that just won’t stick for almost anyone in 30 days. I’ve seen it first hand with 2 of my 5 children. My oldest son has thankfully been clean since May 28 2014 when he has arrested for dealing which was his answer for affording the drug for his escalating habit. Today he is thankful for that arrest as it forced him to detox and escape the life he already hated. For my youngest daughter her desire to abstain from the high she lives for isn’t there. She will steal, lie, beg, or prostitute herself to get any substance she can use to get high. Because she has no desire to get clean, I fear the worst for her and wait for the call or the knock on the door. Her situation is worsened by the more than 10 short term facilities she has tried. A short term fix for a long term problem can’t curb the desire and the call of the drug. What are we going to do to address this epidemic in our country? The judgment associated with this problem has to be beat down so it’s no different than cancer or any other disease or mental illness. I wish I knew how to drive change and hope you and your son have some success in your efforts. All the best to you and your family.

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    Jamie Minnich

    October 24, 2018 at 8:55 PM

    Awesome success story!!!!! Continued prayers! My son is in recovery now your story really hits home for me to! Ty for sharing! Prayers to all of you and Ryan! ❤️

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    Hazel savege

    October 24, 2018 at 7:43 PM

    Hi I can relate to everything I have just read. I am the mother of my son who has been an heroin addict for 11 years the pain and feelings I have each day control my life I wait for the knock on the door xx I have days where I am unable to fiction I love my son so much he was my little boy , he is now35 years old but still my boy other mothers will understand this pain , I beg my son to get help I am 62 work very hard has a care worker do not have the possibility to pay for my son to go into rehab all I can do is make sure he always had clothes food and my love . May godbless all you people who have made it stay strong and free and may you new life’s be full of love and joy

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      January 1, 2019 at 8:42 PM

      Having a frightful New Year. We too have been struggling being witness
      to our 34 year old’s self- destruction for many years. We discovered
      thousands of dollars missing from our lock box yesterday. He also
      forged some of our checks .When we called him on it, he denied it all. We told him to come home or we would call the police.
      He began crying and hung up. I am feeling so guilty for threatening him
      I’m so afraid he’s overdosed somewhere, and wish I hadn’t been so threatening. Haven’t heard from him, so afraid for his life. He was doing
      really well this past year. This disease is cruel .

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    October 24, 2018 at 2:24 PM

    Oh what a wonderful story that is! I can relate. My son is in a facility right now, and the same feeling as you had was to keep cards, dry out the flowers he bought me, save anything with his handwriting on it. He is doing really well! It is so nice to hear a happy ending!!! God Bless your family!

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