An Open Letter to My Son with a Drug Addiction

What would you say to your son or daughter if you wrote them a letter?

In 2010, Ron Grover wrote an open letter to his son and anyone with a drug or alcohol addiction, that still moves us today. Writing a letter to your son or daughter who is struggling with dependence or addiction can be cathartic for both the parent and child.

It can also allow you to express the caring and emotion you feel that might be harder to communicate in person.

Read Ron’s letter below and ask yourself if letter writing might be a good option for you. Tell us: What you would write to your son or daughter?

Dear Son,

Life is not easy. It’s not easy if you have a drug addiction – or even if you don’t. It’s all about evolution. The strong survive. It’s not just about physical strength; it is more about mental strength. Do you have the will to survive? Do you have the strength to make it one more day?

As a person who has never had a drug or alcohol addiction, I can only speak from that perspective. My insight into your world is only through observation. I do not wish to walk in your shoes, but I can tell you what it is like to walk in mine – if you are serious about recovery.

Every day, I have unfulfilled wants that are not centered on anyone else. It may seem selfish, but I believe that the center of one’s being can only revolve around oneself. I want things, I want different feelings, I want changes in others, I want, I want, I want. It really never ends. I believe that desire is no different for anyone – a person with a drug addiction and those without.

Daily, there are people out there telling you, “No” – bosses, friends, parents, spouses, and significant others – that is just a part of life. Disappointment and hurt is as much a part of living as joy, happiness, and love. Hurt is the same for those with an addiction as it is for those without. The difference is how we react to and cope with our emotions, whether they are good or bad. I don’t know what drugs do for a person with an addiction to help cope with disappointment. I don’t know how drugs heighten the joy of happiness. But I do know that my life would be very monochromatic without the peaks and valleys.

I have no doubt from observing you that you hated every day you used drugs. I can see how your life was out of control, spiraling into a pit of hurt and despair. You became so lost that the helping hands of others could not even be grasped.

I see your struggles with being clean; more pain than joy. It’s a time in your life where the scales are not balanced. You are working so hard to survive but everyone is saying, “no.”  There are so many frustrations. What is the point, you may wonder?

There is one place where no one will say no. There is one life that will accept you. The life of drug use that you have known for the last several years. That is the easy path to take.

But, please know that the immediate pain you feel now will eventually fade.

When my father died, I felt terrible pain and remorse. I wanted to pick up the phone and call him, but I knew I couldn’t. I wanted one last time, for old times’ sake, but I couldn’t. I flashed back to all the good times, but they were not to be any more. I believe that feeling of loss is something similar to what you are experiencing in order to live on. Your old life must die and there is tremendous pain with that death. Each day you will want to use just one more time. Time may heal all wounds but the scars are there forever.

In time, the scales will balance and you will experience more joy than pain. But for now you must travel the difficult path and find the will to survive. You will become stronger each time you choose to steer away from that dangerous and tempting path at the fork in the road. It may be hard to see because the path to recovery is difficult. But please know you are not walking alone – hands of help are reaching out to you with your every step.

 

146 Responses

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    Dora

    August 1, 2019 at 2:50 PM

    Hello ; I am Dora
    We are desperate by now We just don’t know what to do. my son is 26 year old,
    and is addicted to drugs.
    He started with some kind of drug when he was 17, 18 years old was addicted to opioid. When to jail. Come back clean I guess; but after 6 months, he started again
    Now using Meth and I don’t know what else, he becomes aggressive some time,
    Always mad at something screaming yelling for hours at times.
    broke so many things by now.
    About 1 year ago I was so mad and sad and frustrated I didn’t aloud him to be home anymore. He always wants to come in push the door , broke things including my car on the outside.
    Is been a year by now and he continued to come and scream loudly.
    He wash himself in the outside sleep in his car sometimes, batter my other son telling him ugly stuff always.
    We are so lost , he has been in therapy and psychiatric doctor.
    Everything is so hard on all of us.
    We’re surviving day by day with the help of God only.
    He shows up every other day. He looks very deteriorating skinny always mad.
    I wrote him letters and we offer him Help but first rehab and he’s not accepting it.
    Please help

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      Candice Besson

      August 2, 2019 at 12:12 PM

      Thanks for your message Dora. We have forwarded your message to one of our helpline specialists who can help better answer your question, and she will be reaching out to you shortly. Our Helpline is a good place to start if you’d like to talk to someone about what you’re going through. Feel free to connect with us in whichever manner you choose in the future: https://drugfree.org/helpline
      Thank you. -Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

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