An Open Letter to My Son with a Drug Addiction

What would you say to your son or daughter if you wrote them a letter?

In 2010, Ron Grover wrote an open letter to his son and anyone with a drug or alcohol addiction, that still moves us today. Writing a letter to your son or daughter who is struggling with dependence or addiction can be cathartic for both the parent and child.

It can also allow you to express the caring and emotion you feel that might be harder to communicate in person.

Read Ron’s letter below and ask yourself if letter writing might be a good option for you. Tell us: What you would write to your son or daughter?

Dear Son,

Life is not easy. It’s not easy if you have a drug addiction – or even if you don’t. It’s all about evolution. The strong survive. It’s not just about physical strength; it is more about mental strength. Do you have the will to survive? Do you have the strength to make it one more day?

As a person who has never had a drug or alcohol addiction, I can only speak from that perspective. My insight into your world is only through observation. I do not wish to walk in your shoes, but I can tell you what it is like to walk in mine – if you are serious about recovery.

Every day, I have unfulfilled wants that are not centered on anyone else. It may seem selfish, but I believe that the center of one’s being can only revolve around oneself. I want things, I want different feelings, I want changes in others, I want, I want, I want. It really never ends. I believe that desire is no different for anyone – a person with a drug addiction and those without.

Daily, there are people out there telling you, “No” – bosses, friends, parents, spouses, and significant others – that is just a part of life. Disappointment and hurt is as much a part of living as joy, happiness, and love. Hurt is the same for those with an addiction as it is for those without. The difference is how we react to and cope with our emotions, whether they are good or bad. I don’t know what drugs do for a person with an addiction to help cope with disappointment. I don’t know how drugs heighten the joy of happiness. But I do know that my life would be very monochromatic without the peaks and valleys.

I have no doubt from observing you that you hated every day you used drugs. I can see how your life was out of control, spiraling into a pit of hurt and despair. You became so lost that the helping hands of others could not even be grasped.

I see your struggles with being clean; more pain than joy. It’s a time in your life where the scales are not balanced. You are working so hard to survive but everyone is saying, “no.”  There are so many frustrations. What is the point, you may wonder?

There is one place where no one will say no. There is one life that will accept you. The life of drug use that you have known for the last several years. That is the easy path to take.

But, please know that the immediate pain you feel now will eventually fade.

When my father died, I felt terrible pain and remorse. I wanted to pick up the phone and call him, but I knew I couldn’t. I wanted one last time, for old times’ sake, but I couldn’t. I flashed back to all the good times, but they were not to be any more. I believe that feeling of loss is something similar to what you are experiencing in order to live on. Your old life must die and there is tremendous pain with that death. Each day you will want to use just one more time. Time may heal all wounds but the scars are there forever.

In time, the scales will balance and you will experience more joy than pain. But for now you must travel the difficult path and find the will to survive. You will become stronger each time you choose to steer away from that dangerous and tempting path at the fork in the road. It may be hard to see because the path to recovery is difficult. But please know you are not walking alone – hands of help are reaching out to you with your every step.

 

129 Responses

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    Jen

    November 21, 2018 at 11:39 PM

    I too miss my son on Thanksgiving and through every holiday must especially. He is currently on the run from a warrant for his arrest and he is still using and hiding. I don’t know where he is and he won’t call because he thinks the police will have my phone bugged. Not true.
    I have to live my own life and be selfish, but that doesn’t prevent me from mourning him every day I don’t hear from him. I pray he will one day be able to face his addiction and ask for help. My pain can be all consuming if I let it, but for now, I must get on with my own life and wait to hear if he has gotten help or have my worst fears realized.

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    Piper

    October 23, 2018 at 6:36 AM

    My journey is so similar to all of yours. My adult son, with two children, is a meth addict. We have given, taken away, tried and thrown our hand up in frustration. We cannot think of one more thing to do to get my son back from within the grip of drugs. And yes, there is always hope, but it is little consolation when you are simply waiting for the cops to show up and tell you the bad news.

    I am not religious, per se, but I pray constantly for him, them, and us. Because, besides going to a counselor to help me deal with all this, there is simply the frustration of being powerless. I can’t find him, get him, tie him up, put him in rehab, make him stay and then, after he’s “cured”, have the live I always thought he’d have.

    I imagine that this feeling is similar to being the mother of a soldier at war. You just wait for the car to pull up to make your worst worry a reality. We’re not alone, and they say, we’re not at fault. Let’s take comfort in that small fact. Loving thoughts to you all…

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