How to Talk to Your Teen About Marijuana - Part 1

Talking to teenagers can feel tricky, and talking about substances like marijuana can seem even harder. But good news! There are ways to connect with your teen that make it easier to have open and positive conversations. In addition to reading the tips suggested below, check out our guide on Cannabis (Marijuana): What Families Need to Know to Help Protect Children, Teens and Young Adults. It offers great background information about the rapidly changing marijuana landscape. Being prepared with the facts is always a good first step.

Setting the Stage

Here are some ways to make conversations about marijuana more comfortable:

• • Stay Open-Minded: If your teen feels judged, they’ll be less likely to open up. Try to keep an open mind and listen to their perspective. This might take some practice, but it’s worth it!
  • Imagine Their Point of View: Think back to when you were a teen. How would you have wanted a tough conversation to go? This helps you understand what your teen might feel.
  • Know Your Goals: Think about what you want from this conversation. Here are some ideas other parents have found helpful:

• • • Start an ongoing conversation about marijuana, meaning that this is one of several conversations you will have with your teen.
    • Understand what your teen knows and how they feel about marijuana.
    • Talk about their curiosity, experiences or reasons to consider using it.
    • Share your expectations that they won’t use marijuana at all until they are of legal age and even then you would prefer that they not use it because of the health problems it can cause.

Writing down your goals can help you look back on how the conversation went and decide what to try next time.

• • Stay Calm and Relaxed: If you’re angry or nervous, your teen might close off. Find a way to relax, like taking a walk, calling a friend, or listening to calming music before you talk.
  • Be Positive: Approaching your teen with shame, anger, or scare tactics can backfire. Instead, focus on being attentive, curious, and understanding. This shows them you’re on their side.
  • Avoid Lecturing: If they already know your stance, they might feel like you’re disapproving of them personally instead of their actions. Lecturing could lead to them shutting down or even feeling ashamed. When this happens, it can increase stress and lead to more substance use and greater attempts to hide their behaviors from you.
  • Pick a Comfortable Setting: Calling a sit-down meeting might put them on the defensive, but a casual conversation might make it easier for them to open up. Maybe go for a walk or sit outside in a relaxed place.
  • Pay Attention to Body Language: If they’re sitting, sit too. Watch out for finger-pointing or crossed arms, which can seem confrontational. Keeping an open, relaxed posture can help them feel more comfortable.

Try Active Listening

Active listening is all about making sure your teen knows you’re really hearing them. Here are some ways to practice it:

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
   • These are questions that need more than a simple “yes” or “no.”
   • Try: “What do you think about marijuana?” or “How do you think marijuana use might affect your goals?”
2. Stay Positive
   • Even if it’s hard, find something positive to say.
   • Try: “Thanks for being honest with me. I really appreciate it.” or “I’m glad we can talk about this, even if we don’t agree.”
3. Reflect What They Say
   • Show you’re listening by repeating back what they say in your own words.
   • Try: “So you feel that marijuana helps you relax when you’re stressed. Did I get that right?”
4. Summarize and Ask for Input
   • This shows them you’re listening and gives them a chance to add more.
   • Try: “So you’ve told me it’s no big deal, and nothing bad has happened. Did I miss anything? Do you want to add more?”
5. Offer Empathy and Compassion
   • Let them know you get it.
   • Try: “I understand that you feel anxious, and using marijuana helps with that. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Are there other ways we can find to help you relax?”

By approaching these talks with an open mind, calm energy, and active listening, you can build trust and create a safe space for your teen to share. And remember—this is just the start of an ongoing conversation!

Words to use when talking about marijuana (or any issue with your teen):

Use and, not but
“You did well on your report card but I know you can work even harder” vs “You did well on your report card and I know you can work even harder.”

Use want, not should
“You should stop smoking” vs “I want you to stop smoking and I’m here to help.”

Use harmful, not bad
“Using marijuana is bad for you” vs “Using marijuana is harmful to your brain and body.”

Use unhealthy, not stupid
“Vaping marijuana is a stupid choice” vs. Vaping marijuana is an unhealthy choice and I’m concerned.”

Use concerned, not disapprove
“I disapprove of you hanging out with that group of friends vs. “I am concerned about your group of friends and worry that they may not be the best influence.”

Use worried, not disappointed
“I am disappointed in you for breaking curfew” vs “I am worried about your decision to come home past curfew.”

Use don’t want, not can’t
“You can’t come home at 11 p.m. on weeknights” vs “I don’t want you to come home this late at night anymore.”

Practice Patience

Remember to be clear about your goals, be positive and offer compassion. These skills take practice, so if the talk doesn’t go the way you hoped it might, remember that you will have other chances to try them. Being direct with your child that you regret something you said or don’t love how you handled something and want another chance is a wonderful way to model for them that they don’t have to be perfect. You are sharing with them that mistakes happen, and that it’s great to try again if something didn’t work out perfectly the first time. Have more than one conversation, that will give you other opportunities to get it right and improve upon what didn’t go so well the last time.

Some parents and other caregivers have asked us for more information on what to say in addition to how to say it. Check out Part 2 to learn more.