Charles Kelley

He discloses why he often hid his drinking from those closest to him, how his wife supported his recovery, and why it was important for Charles to be honest about Lady A’s 2022 tour postponement.

Episode transcript

Elizabeth Vargas:

Charles Kelley welcome to Heart of the Matter. It’s great to have you.

Charles Kelley:

I’m glad to be here.

Elizabeth Vargas:

I’m a big fan. I am so impressed by your story and your openness in talking about it. And I have to just tell you right off the bat, I relate to so many parts of your story. Especially because you said that you started using alcohol to treat your own anxiety, and that’s exactly why I drank. It softened the edges and smoothed everything out. Tell me, how old were you when you figured out this was a great tool, at least initially?

Charles Kelley:

Yeah, 15.

Elizabeth Vargas:

15?

Charles Kelley:

Yeah. I remember starting that year. It was funny. I have this vivid memory of starting high school and being like, “I can’t believe people drink. Why would you drink alcohol when Gatorade is so delicious?” And I went to this high school party, and I remember this … It’s like a classic movie story where the senior girl was there and I’m wanting to fit in. And I remember her being like, “Hey, you want a beer?” And I was like, “Yeah, I’ll take a beer.” And I remember my older brothers … So I’ve got older siblings. Two of them are 10 years older than me and then my other brother, Josh and I were pretty close in age, about a year and a half apart. But I remember watching one of my oldest brother’s friends always put an extra beer in his back pocket. So the first time I ever drank, I was like, “Yeah, can I get another one too?” And I stuffed the extra in the back pocket because it was like, “Oh yeah, he’s a drinker, man. He doesn’t even have time to go to the cooler. That’s how much he drinks.”

Elizabeth Vargas:

Wow.

Charles Kelley:

So it was definitely a social thing. And I remember that night, I think I ended up having three beers, and it was the greatest I’d ever felt. I felt very sociable and I just felt like I was … It was a cape. It really was. And it was for a long time.

Elizabeth Vargas:

What do you mean it was a cape?

Charles Kelley:

It was like you put that thing on and you’re a different person. You’re so social and you can do anything. You can talk to anybody. There was something about having the bottle in my hand. It made all the conversations and everything easier. For me, I don’t know if it was ever about catching some crazy buzz as much of a social thing. I never was one of those guys that was like, “All right, let’s get hammered. I’m going to start taking shots.” It was more like, “all right, it’s time to go out and be social.” And yeah, that’s how it started and it was that way for a long, long time. Even in high school, I remember some of my friends would drink on weekdays and I was like, “Wow. Y’all drink on the weekdays? That’s crazy, man.” And so it was always a very social thing. Obviously it progressed in college, went to the University of Georgia. But it was never an everyday thing, I think until I got on the road with the band.

Elizabeth Vargas:

I was going to say, when did it start to turn?

Charles Kelley:

Yeah, being on the road, I think it was something about chasing that high. When I’d come back, it’s like you feel this crazy rush of energy and you get home and you got a few days off and you’re just like, you know what would make this a little bit more exciting is have a couple drinks. And again, it felt … It’s hard for me to remember exactly how much I would drink, let’s say 15 years ago. But progressively it got just a little bit more and more. And my wife and I really got into wine, and I think that’s where it was like, okay, all right, now it’s socially acceptable, even at home, a glass of wine.

Elizabeth Vargas:

And it’s sophisticated and it’s fine wine.

Charles Kelley:

Sophisticated. Yeah.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah right.

Charles Kelley:

And you’d come home and you’d pop open a bottle and you’re like, “God, that was good. Let’s open another one.” Next thing you know you and your wife have polished off two bottles of wine, and I might’ve been on the golf course that day already and had some drinks. And so it had gotten to this point where I think over the past 10 years for sure, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t have at least five or six drinks.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Wow. You used to joke that you were a functioning alcoholic.

Charles Kelley:

Yeah. Yeah. Again, it was this hilarious thing where it was like hey, I know I got a problem.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Did you? I’m curious about that. Way down deep inside were you-

Charles Kelley:

I don’t know if I knew it was a big, big issue, but I knew that there were certain situations that I couldn’t be in if I didn’t have a drink in my hand, especially social situations. I was just like, it’s going to be so boring if I don’t have a drink. I felt like I could go to anything. Any cocktail party or some wedding I didn’t want to go to, but hey, they’re going to have alcohol, I’ll be fine and I’ll have a good time. And I don’t think, honestly, looking back, I showed my ass as much in front of people. It was later afterwards and you come home from the party and you drink and then my wife, of course, was looking out for me was like, “All right, do you really think you need another drink?” And then that’s when I would get that defensive … Nothing ever with my wife was physical, but definitely if I got challenged, just say some really hurtful things.

Every argument I could ever think of has traced back to the night where I had whiskey. And then I felt like I got challenged and she was the only person who felt comfortable enough to call me out on my drinking. And so that was always my thing. It was like, “No one else has an issue with this, but you. Why are you always the one trying to just bring down a good time?” And so it really got exhausting the past four or five years, our relationship, where there was just a lot of resentment. I think I really stressed her out, man. Looking back now, just thinking about all those situations, that hypervigilance that she was living in constantly. What’s he going to do? Is he going to be driving back from the golf course? That was a common occurrence for me. Go out, have four or five drinks on the golf course and then drive home. I had a couple of moments … That was when I was like, okay, this is a problem. I told myself I was only going to have a beer, and next thing you know, I get caught up in the fraternity hang out there, and I had five cocktails and I’m driving home.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Were you driving drunk?

Charles Kelley:

Oh, yeah. That’s what I mean. I was driving home drunk. It was a 10-minute drive, but there’s a couple of moments where I was like, wow, that was really, really dumb, really dangerous. So I think those are those moments where I think I really created a whole lot of anxiety for my wife and shame. Next day I was like, “Gosh, I could have killed somebody. I could have killed myself.” It just stopped being fun. It was something that I think for the longest time was a very social thing. I guess a little bit of that binge-drinking as you would call it and the next thing you know it was just every single day.

Elizabeth Vargas:

I’m curious. So many people in your business, the music business … You’re part of an enormously successful group. You tour. And there’ve been many musicians who’ve talked about the fact that they felt like they couldn’t write unless they’d had some alcohol or drugs in them, or they couldn’t perform, go on stage unless they had a few drinks under their belt or something else. Or when they got off-stage they couldn’t come down from that incredible electric high of performing in front of a stadium or an enormous crowd without a drink or something. So it seems like … We’ll stick with alcohol because your story. But alcohol is really woven through professional musicians like yourself. People who go out and perform and are hugely successful and huge hits. So was that the case for you?

Charles Kelley:

It’s so common, of course. Even through this journey, I don’t think I had realized how maybe … This example has been helping relate to some of the other artists. I’ve had a lot of artists reach out just asking me what it’s been like and that they’ve been thinking about doing that. And I think that’s when you know, okay. When you’re asking questions, you’re like, okay, maybe this is something I need to look into a little stronger. I did for the past five years. There were moments I tried to stop or tried to … I’m sorry. Not really stop. Slow down. It was like, all right, I want to do beer and wine. No liquor. That would last for maybe two or three weeks.

I think for me though, being on the road, especially in country music, it is such a glorified thing. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Again, I think the majority of people I would like to think know how to drink responsibly, but it’s just such a progressive disease. It just comes and bites you and you don’t even know it’s happened. Again, when I look back, I don’t remember ever coming home and the first thing I do is go make a drink. That didn’t really start happening until about 10 years ago.

Even on the road, I wasn’t a guy that would drink all day. There was a couple of moments. Might’ve had a boring backstage and some random out of nowhere festival, and you’re just like, “I’m bored. It’s noon. I’m going to have a drink.” I had enough work ethic and professionalism to at least control it to a point. But then there’d be times where Dave and Hillary could tell I had maybe one too many there before a show, and I could get a little warbly on stage with my banter and stuff. But really for me, when I knew it was an issue was after the show. I would stay up and I’d have a couple drinks, and then I’d start watching some little random Netflix show. And next thing you know, it’s three in the morning and I’ve had five whiskeys in the back of the bus by myself. And when I say five whiskeys, I mean I’m pouring solo cups. So these are-

Elizabeth Vargas:

It’s a lot of whiskey.

Charles Kelley:

Three, four shots. I can’t go back to bed so then I’m back on the train and then I wake up in Nashville and it’s time to go be a dad. I think that’s when I knew, whoa, this is something I’m having a tough time controlling. But again, I don’t think I thought it was … I didn’t think I’m an alcoholic necessarily. I thought, okay, I have an issue. It’s time to slow down. And I did for periods of time. And next thing you know you just sneak a little whiskey here. Next thing you know, a month later, you’re not even hiding it anymore. I’m on stage and I’m getting in the little talk back mic asking our tour manager if he can bring another whiskey up on stage and get a little side eye from one of my bandmates and you just stop caring. And you’re like, well, this is me. This is what I need to perform. I always felt like I showed up and sang well. But looking back, there were a handful of moments where I didn’t. Where I felt like it definitely affected the show. But I think the biggest thing though for Dave and Hillary wasn’t even that. It was just concern for me as a friend.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Did they ever say anything to you? You said-

Charles Kelley:

Oh yeah. Yeah.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Okay.

Charles Kelley:

We had couple little moments where … The hardest one, I guess it was probably six, seven years ago, where they sat me down and they’re like, “You’re drinking, you have to stop.” And I was like, “You can’t tell me to stop. Hey, I get it. I’ll slow down and do this.” And we went round and round and eventually it was like, “All right, you don’t have to stop drinking, but you got to control this.” For me, I think I had learned that it was all or nothing. The hardest thing to me, the most anxious I’ve ever been is trying to only have two drinks.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Explain that. Why is that?

Charles Kelley:

Oh my gosh. The first drink, you’re ready. It’s that association. It’s like you have that first sip and you’re like, oh, this is so good. For me, it almost felt like I was a child. You’re telling me I can’t keep going. It feels like you’re getting a slap on the wrist by only having two. And so that’s where the sneaking started coming in. Because that was something I’d never done till the past probably four or five years where I knew people were watching me, my bandmates, my wife and I would just sneak drinks. And at the golf course, instead of putting it on my tab, I’d ask my buddy. I’d say, “Hey, will you get me a liquor drink? I don’t want my wife seeing it.”

Elizabeth Vargas:

I’m curious. I did the same thing. And secret drinking actually led me to drink more because you’re like, “I have to finish this before somebody comes back.” I’m curious if you had the same thing that-

Charles Kelley:

Yeah. And there’s moments that it was exciting. Like you’re getting away with something. It was like, oh my gosh, this is that fun, that excitement of being in high school and having to sneak drinks out of your parents’ fridge without them finding out and just silly stuff like that. And it just got exhausting. I really think like so many of us, the pandemic really elevated that and escalated it to such a different level. I would get on Zoom writes like this at noon, I would usually … Again, unless I was on the golf course, which was a lot, I wouldn’t really start drinking until about 5:00. But man, I would get on a write like this and I’m like, “This is boring. All right. I’m going to make a little cocktail.” I’d have one. An hour goes by, you’re like, maybe one more. Another hour goes by. Maybe a third. And then next thing you know, you’re already ready to go. Wife’s back. It’s time to do our nightly routine. Open a bottle of wine, boom. And it’s like you’ve already started.

And then that’s where some of the arguments would start because she could tell I’ve had a drink. And then you’re lying. You’re like, “Oh, I just had one.” And next thing you’re starting to hide bottles in different places so she can’t see how much you drank. It got just exhausting and silly.

Elizabeth Vargas:

It is so exhausting.

Charles Kelley:

It was exhausting. So I think that’s the biggest thing for me that I’m holding on to is just, gosh, the thing I was drinking, I feel like the main thing was to just calm down. De-stress. It was really in the end causing me an enormous amount of stress. The hiding it specifically.

Elizabeth Vargas:

The hiding, the lying, the secrets. So what happened? What made you finally go get help?

Charles Kelley:

This is something that actually I don’t think I’ve ever talked about but I want to talk about now. I got pulled over. Let’s see. It was was around Christmas. My wife and boy had gone to a little trip with her sister and their little girl I think and I had a couple of days free. This was after Christmas. And I was down at the beach and … I guess maybe two or three years ago. I can’t remember. And I went to this local little spot. This was awesome. Family’s gone. I’m on my own. I can drink as much as I want. Play golf all day, drink. And then everybody at the bar was like, “Hey man, I just want to make sure you’re not driving back.” And I was like, man, if I don’t drive back, my wife’s going to be like, “Where’s your car?” Even though I could have gotten it the next morning, she wouldn’t have known she wasn’t there. I was like, I’m not leaving my car here. Snuck out the back when no one’s watching me and I got in my car. It was literally a three-minute drive and I must’ve been swerving. I got pulled over.

I was like, well, this is it. It was almost like I wanted it. I was like, finally something’s happening. I got pulled over and the guy was like, “Oh, your license and registration.” And he looked at my license and he goes, “Are you that guy in that band?” I was like, “Yeah.” He goes, “Pull your car.” I was like, “My house is just right there. I promise you. It’s really right down the street.” I said, “I’m so sorry. I was just coming from this little bar two minutes down the street.” And he goes, “Pull your car over.” And he goes, “Get in the car with me.” Drove me to the house. Didn’t give me a ticket or anything. I was like, holy moly. Bullet dodged.

I felt guilty enough or maybe I was afraid that some of our friends … Because it’s a small little beach community, would see my car pulled over. And I was like, all right. I got to tell my wife. And I told her and I was like, “I’m done. This is exhausting. I just got pulled over. I just literally almost ruined my life. Created all this chaos for the band.” Because it would’ve been an awful press of course. And I said, I’m done. And I stopped drinking. White knuckling it as they call it, and did it on my own. I think I lasted three months.

This was probably a year before I ended up going to rehab. So that lasted about three months. I felt good. I felt better for a while, but it was starting to get a little harder. And my wife and I were talking like, this is your journey. I think that was a lot of her work was trying to stop trying to control the situation so much. She was like, “Listen, this is your journey. If you feel like you can have this glass of wine …” We were in Paris. We were on a little trip in Paris and I was like, “God, I just want a glass of wine. It’s so beautiful.” We’re looking over at the Eiffel Tower and she goes, “Just have a glass of wine.” She didn’t say that. I had talked her into it and I think she didn’t know what to do. This was new territory for us. Again, I had no tools in place. I wasn’t going to any meetings. I was just doing this on my own.

I had a glass of wine. Somehow talked her into having another one. And I was like, “That was nice.” I said, “I think I’m good. I think I can just do one or two.” Meanwhile, in my head I’m like, that wasn’t enough. And so we get back home for the next two months. I’m pretty good. I’m doing just beer and wine. Trying it on the road. And then slowly but surely started sneaking in the whiskeys backstage. And it got to where again, I was just sneaking it. Told the band I was I going to really cut back. And then about two or three months later, I’m literally not even hiding it. I’m back and then some. Drinking more on the road. But right around that time it was just getting really dark and exhausting. And all the time I remember being in the back of the bus and throwing up on my own.

So anyways, we have this show on the road and I’m heading to Greece to meet my wife and some friends for this big birthday party that one of our friends is putting together with all the couples. And I get on this crazy long connecting flight all the way through London, through all this stuff. Jet-lagged, hadn’t slept at all. And we get to Greece and I’m like, “I don’t know if I have COVID or what. Something is up and I just feel awful.”

And so I pretty much get there and I just sleep all day and she could tell I was hung over and she’s annoyed. I’m annoyed. And anyways, somehow the next day I guess I start feeling a little bit better and I’m like, “The only way I’m going to feel better right now is if I just start drinking.” We’re both on edge and she’s getting onto me for how much I’m drinking. She goes, “Is that your fourth drink?” It makes me more agitated so then I’m drinking at her. I’m pouring and I’m pouring it right in front of her. And somehow towards the end of this night, everybody’s about to go to bed and one of the guys were like, “Let’s go out. Let’s go see what downtown Greece is like.” So a few of us boys are wanting to do that.

Well, my wife’s like, “No way. If you’re going, I’m going to.” And all of a sudden the other wives come. So Cassie and I are just fighting and arguing while we’re in the middle of this club about my drinking, how many I’ve had. And I hit a point of the … The fuck its. Where I’m just like fuck it. I don’t care anymore.

And I said some awful stuff to her. She walks back into the bar or the club to meet the other girls. And I said, “Let’s see what she does now.” And I literally turned my phone off because I was like, she’s got Find My Friends. I don’t want her tracking me down. I literally just turned my phone off and just started walking. And I walk into this random bar probably a mile away, drank all night with this guy. They kept the place open for me because I was tipping so good and literally just drank myself silly till six in the morning and of course turned my phone on and call her and she’s just, “Where are you?” She comes and picks me up and just starts to explain that the whole group that we were with had been looking for me all night. They didn’t know if I had gotten taken, robbed, killed, beaten up. Those thoughts never even crossed my mind. I was just like, “Screw you. Watch this.” It was just one of those moments.

So anyways, I get back and I’m sleeping and she’s like, “I’m going to the airport and I don’t want you to come home when I’m there. I’m going to call a divorce attorney.” And I was like, holy crap, this is real. And so I raced to the airport. I was like, “If you’re going, I’m going too.” And we had in this airport the most awkward but ended up being the most real heart-to-heart where I started crying, she’s crying, she’s furious, but she also is like … I think she’s so exhausted. She’s got no more fight in her and me too. And I just cried. And she’s like, “You need help.” I was like, “I know I need it.” I said, “I’m going to do it. I’m going to do it this time.” And they call it that gift of desperation for a reason. Without this moment I think I just could … It just would’ve kept going until something happened. Until I got a DUI for real or wrecked the car or killed somebody, killed myself or something. And so anyways, we call my manager. She immediately lines up this rehab facility in Utah and I literally fly-

Elizabeth Vargas:

What’s it called?

Charles Kelley:

Cirque.

Elizabeth Vargas:

I went there.

Charles Kelley:

Yeah, Cirque.

Elizabeth Vargas:

It’s a great place.

Charles Kelley:

It was unbelievable. And changed my life. So anyway, so we fly from Greece to London and we have a night off or we spend the night in separate hotels. We’ve had this oddly awkward, hard but special moment. And I was like, “Okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” And she was like, “No. I’m not staying with you. I’m staying at a different hotel. You’re going to stay here.” And it was like, whoa, this is real. I mean, this is my best friend. This is real. And just shocked my system. I had never cried that much in my entire life. I was like my life’s over. Cried myself to sleep. Woke up the next day, straight to Utah and started the journey. And even that journey was kind of interesting because I would be able to call her every now and then when I had phone time and she still was … I’m waiting for her to tell me how she’s feeling and I’m like, everything’s going to be okay.

And it was still kind of rocky that first week where it was like, “You might want to start looking for a place to stay when you get back.” And I was like, gosh, this is crazy. And so what really changed it for us though, she came to family week and she got to see the work we were doing. She got to see this man I was becoming and some of these layers getting chiseled away and I don’t know, something just happened and she was like, “I want this and I want us to get through this.” And so I ended up coming home and starting this journey with her in my house with my little seven year old son who I am obsessed with. I think that was the thing that scared me the most was not being able to wake up with him every morning too and just everything just felt like it was running off the rails. The band didn’t know what to think yet. They were of course hurt and just disappointed and scared and just everything was kind of in flux there. But once I knew my family was okay, I kind of was like, all right, whatever happens career-wise or anything, I can get through it. So it was this weird thing where for the longest time I lived and died by my career where I would almost say I would’ve put that ahead of my marriage lasting.

And it was like when actually faced with it, I was like, I don’t even care about anything career-wise. I just want my wife and I want my boy and I want this family unit. And-

Elizabeth Vargas:

And you wanted sobriety because-

Charles Kelley:

I wanted sobriety.

Elizabeth Vargas:

They say in recovery you can’t get sober or clean for someone else or something else. You have to do it for yourself.

Charles Kelley:

For myself, didn’t really start happening until I would say a few weeks into that rehab. I mean, I didn’t go in there. I did it to save my marriage. And then slowly you start realizing, whoa, I see what they mean when they say you got to do it for yourself. And again this is hard because I guess some people, it takes them a while to see I guess results so to speak. But for me, immediately I started seeing the benefits of what was happening. Physically felt better, looked better, just felt softer, less anxious. And I don’t know. It was like if I didn’t have some of those things to hold onto, I think it would’ve been a lot harder to relapse. But to me, I’m like, I’ve done it. I’ve done everything I could accomplish in 25 years of drinking. The highs, the lows, the in-betweens, and it’s run its course for me. It’s like I just look at it as a chapter of a book. That it’s done and I’m ready for what the next chapter is going to be.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Your wife came to family week in Utah, which is fantastic. Not all spouses do that. Your band was incredibly supportive because they had to postpone a tour. They wrote a message in their announcement saying, “We are a band, but more importantly, we’re a family. We’re proud to say that Charles has embarked on a journey to sobriety. So right now, in order to be the healthiest, strongest and most creative band we can be, Lady A will take the time with the support of our families and professionals to walk through this together.” That’s incredible.

Charles Kelley:

It was pretty amazing. I get out of rehab and I’m like, I got the spirit running through me. I’m like, I’m good. Let’s go. And I really wanted to go to be honest with you. And they both were like, “Man, I don’t know if I can get up on the stage with you yet until I’ve built some trust.” And it was the hardest thing in the moment, but the best thing in hindsight. Because we didn’t know if we were going to talk about this or what. In hindsight, it was the best thing because it gave me some time to actually get into the real world and get my feet under me. Because we were literally about to start it the next week when I got done, and it would’ve been awkward. It would’ve been scary. And who knows if I would’ve put myself … Because luckily not being on tour, I put myself in some situations that maybe could have been triggering on the road.

Elizabeth Vargas:

You have to learn how to live again. You have to learn how to live without this crutch.

Charles Kelley:

Then you go into rehab and it’s just this kind of Kool-Aid environment in a good way. And then all of a sudden you get done and oh, here’s your phone back and here’s all the stressors why you drink over.

Elizabeth Vargas:

And by the way, there’s the lovely fine wine store that you’re going to walk past. Rehab is a suspended reality.

Charles Kelley:

It is.

Elizabeth Vargas:

You don’t have the daily stressors or you might have a lot of stressors, but you don’t have access to the alcohol. So for 30 days you can’t pick up because you’re not allowed to pick up. And they’re watching you carefully to make sure you don’t pick up.

Charles Kelley:

Exactly.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Then you graduate and get out and you’re like, okay, stressors, check, everyday life, check, access to fine wine and anything else, check.

Charles Kelley:

I know. To me the biggest wow moment was literally getting your phone and it’s back to the grind. Literally, I think what got me so open about talking about this journey was because of talking about the tour. That was kind a really big moment of what’s going to be my forward facing journey with this. And I kept saying to myself too, I was like, “I don’t want to have gone through this for nothing. I want to at least if I can help one person.” But I didn’t think I would do it in such a public way. But we’re sitting there about to make this announcement and they were like, “Okay. Let’s say it was this or this or that.”

And I was like, “They’re going to think we’re breaking up. They’re going to think something’s wrong with the band.” I said, “Nope. Let’s just be honest.” I was literally, “Guys, I spent 30 days talking about being more honest.” I was like, “Every part of my life has always been hiding something here and there.” I said, “I want to be honest.” I said, “I’m not shameful of this.” I said, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” The easy way out would’ve been just to keep drinking and burn everything to the ground. I said, “I’m grateful for this.” And so I was like, “Let’s just be honest.” And that was kind of the turning point of like, all right, well, I guess I’m sharing it now. And so it’s kind of snowballed in a very positive good way like doing things like this. And eventually, shortly after I wrote this song called As Far as You Could with my bandmates, Dave and Jimmy Robbins, which was kind of a good goodbye letter to alcohol, which again, furthered that journey.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Did you have that exercise at Cirque, by the way? We all had to write a farewell … A goodbye letter.

Charles Kelley:

That’s the first thing I said. I said, this is the greatest concept for a song.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Exactly.

Charles Kelley:

Mine was whiskey. My goodbye letter to whiskey.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Here are the lyrics. Here’s some of the lyrics to As Far As You Could. “You made me feel alive, but you scared me half to death. Thought I couldn’t hit that stage without you running through my veins. Now I sing the songs I always have, but the meaning’s bound to change. Because you took me high, but you sure as hell brought me down. You started out a friend, turned into something else. Now I like who I am with you sitting on a shelf.” I love that. That’s so great.

Charles Kelley:

Thank you. Thank you. It was a really therapeutic moment with Dave writing it too. We were tearing up a little bit. It was just like, wow. I mean, I have a lot of moments like that on stage now where I look back, I’m like, how close were we to throwing all this away over a liquid? I think that’s sometimes when I really break it down to its bare bones. I’m like, isn’t it wild that a liquid can hold so much control over us as human beings, but I guess it’s any substance.

Elizabeth Vargas:

And destroy so much. It almost destroyed your marriage. It almost destroyed your band.

Charles Kelley:

Everything I love. I mean, having those moments, gosh, when I was there in rehab, having to write the letter to my son. I think that was one of the exercises. I think that might’ve been my first day. And it was powerful. It was like, I want you to write a letter to your son. I wrote this letter just about how much I love him and I want him to be proud of the man I am and all these things. Maybe that was what it was. And that’s what you want to strive for. You want to be that man when you … So I do think that’s really where I’m at is just a human being. I tell people all the time, as a band member and we’ve got all these people out on the road, I felt like I was a respected boss in some ways and they respected my work ethic and all these things, but I don’t know secretly if they ever respected the man. And I think that’s where I’m like, I want people to respect me as a man and human being, not just because of maybe the position I was in.

And how hard I worked or whatever. Because that was always my little badge was like, you can’t outwork me. I’ll outwork anybody in this world and if I want to have a few drinks, it only helps the show and loosens me up and makes me more fun. And honestly, a couple did. A couple was fine. It was where it got to five, six and then drinking by yourself. I think that’s when you know you’ve got an issue. When you’re-

Elizabeth Vargas:

When you’re drinking alone.

Charles Kelley:

And I mean drinking, not having a drink.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Not sipping.

Charles Kelley:

I mean drinking alone and telling yourself, don’t make the next one and then you can’t help but do it. Man, I just watched … I literally just got through with it. The Netflix Painkillers. But gosh, watching that about the opioid and seeing the family, there were a couple little moments where it was just like … And one of the main characters and his wife, and as he’s hiding it, and I couldn’t help but just be like, oh my gosh, I almost destroyed my family over this. And there’s a lot of repair that still goes through it. And I think, again, one of the things I am most thankful for is how much work my wife has done.

She does just as much work as I have. And again, I think everybody’s perception is like we just talk about alcohol and these things. It’s like, no, it’s about life. We’re talking about connecting with our higher power, but also just certain life stressors and how we deal with it and what we’re grateful for, what’s been hard. And it’s like rarely does, “Hey, I was thinking about alcohol today,” really come into it. It was more like, “Hey, I treated someone unkindly and it’s really been sitting on my heart,” type of stuff. And so I feel like all of that, maybe if the win for me in sharing this is just to maybe kill some of that stigma. Because it is funny. I see newcomers coming in and I’m like, I was right in that same spot. And I was like, look at all these people acting like they’re happy. I was like, they’re full of BS. There’s no way they’re that happy. Looking forward to going to a meeting, it’s kind of silly, but for some reason it’s like I go in, I’m like, I know I’m going to feel like a million bucks when I walk out of here.

And I always tell everybody, I was like, I wish these things just existed outside of this stigma of, it’s alcohol. Because it’s just life skills. These are ways to live life and to deal with stress and to-

Elizabeth Vargas:

Yeah. That’s the big secret of it all, is everybody could use a little bit of recovery program and learning how to deal with life on life’s terms. I just wanted to end with most people know you because of your work with Lady A and your incredible success as a group. What was it like to go back on tour finally sober? I know that the band has a dry backstage, no alcohol allowed for anybody.

I’m just curious because part of being sober is learning how to live life not just with a different emphasis and approach, but without the crutch of alcohol. And I use that word crutch because that’s certainly how I used it. It sounds like it’s how you used it. Whether it’s just to soften the edges as you put it, or for me, it was really to relieve crippling anxiety that I didn’t know how to deal with. And so what has it been like to go on tour to perform as a band in front of all these people sober?

Charles Kelley:

Yeah. Honestly, it’s interesting. I mean, again, knock on wood, I thought it was going to be a little bit harder. I’ve performed plenty of times, obviously morning TV, different things without having a drink in my hand.

But for me, honestly, another famous musician buddy of mine that’s sober told me this. He goes, “Wait till you walk on that stage for the first time and you feel all those emotions and you feel that nerves.” He’s like, “There’s nothing better than feeling nervous as hell and going up there and then it takes you a second to just ease into it.” And so I feel in such control on stage. I always thought I did, but I feel very much in control of the show and how to pace it and do it. So that part is beautiful. The hardest part, if there is a hardest part, is the other stuff. The boring stuff. What do I do when I got nothing to do for four hours? And I feel like this has been great having that dry back stage because it’s eased me back in where I feel like now I totally would feel comfortable if we had a setup. I wouldn’t want it on my bus. Now that to me is, that’s where I think I would always draw the line.

But again, it’s just easing it in. And for me too, it’s wanting everyone else to feel comfortable because I think for so long I’ve trained them that they can’t trust me. And if that initially helps them trust me, I do this thing and I still do it now because I love … Whatever I got going right now, I’m sticking with it and I still do the Soberlink. I started it when I left Cirque.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Really?

Charles Kelley:

Blowing at morning, blowing at night. And I really did it.

Elizabeth Vargas:

And who gets the report? A Soberlink for our audience is a device that you blow into that will detect if you’ve had any alcohol the last 24 hours or something.

Charles Kelley:

So it doesn’t have to go to my wife. And that way she doesn’t have to be hypervigilant like, “Oh, you forgot to do it.” Because there’s times you do. You’ll be like, “I’m sorry, I was flying.” I did it for her. To take the anxiety off of her. But to have that device that says we don’t have to have this argument, because that to me, right now, it’s just been for them. It’s been for the band. It just helps. Having this extra little layer of accountability and knowing that even if I had that moment where I was like, I just want to have a one just to see if I’d relapse. You know what I mean? And again, those thoughts haven’t crossed my mind, but what if they did if I didn’t have that device? So right now I’m like, this might be something I just do in perpetuity. I don’t know. It doesn’t-

Elizabeth Vargas:

Don’t rock the boat.

Charles Kelley:

Yeah, it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Elizabeth Vargas:

Charles Kelley, it’s been amazing to talk to you. And your honesty about your journey is going to help people because you’re right, stigma is the number one reason people don’t raise their hand and say I need help. And the more we can chip away at that, the better. It’s been a real pleasure getting to talk to you and best of luck on your journey.

Charles Kelley:

Thank you so much. Same.

Elizabeth Vargas:

All right. Thanks.