Is Your College Student Using Alcohol or Drugs to Cope? A Parent’s Guide

College is exciting, but it can also be a really hard transition. There are new classes, new people, less sleep, and big life decisions to deal with all at once. It’s normal for your kid to feel stressed or anxious. But sometimes, students turn to alcohol or other drugs to deal with those tough feelings. As a parent, knowing what to look for — and how to help — can make a big difference.

On this page:

• Why Do Students Use Substances to Cope?
• Signs Your Kid Might Be Struggling
• How to Talk to Your Kid About It
• Healthy Ways to Cope With Stress
• When to Get Professional Help
• You’re Not Alone in This
• Frequently asked questions

Why Do Students Use Substances to Cope?

When a person feels anxious, stressed, or down, substances like alcohol, marijuana, or prescription pills can make them feel better — at least for a little while. This is called “using to cope.” Here’s why it happens:

• Alcohol slows down the nervous system. It can quiet someone’s thoughts and make social situations feel easier.
• Marijuana can make some people feel calm or relaxed in the short term.
• Stimulants (like unprescribed Adderall) are sometimes used to push through stress and pressure to perform.
• The brain is still developing until about age 25. That makes young adults more likely to form habits — and more at risk from regular substance use.

Here’s the tricky part: it can help someone feel better — at first. But over time, using substances to cope actually makes anxiety and stress worse, not better.

Signs Your Kid Might Be Struggling

Some stress is totally normal in college. But certain changes in behavior are worth paying attention to. Watch for these signs:

Changes in Mood or Attitude

• More irritable, withdrawn, or secretive than usual
• Big mood swings — very up one day, very down the next
• Seeming “off” or not like themselves
• Saying things like “I can’t handle it” or “I just need to take the edge off”

Changes in Behavior

• Skipping class more often or falling behind in school
• Pulling away from friends, family, or things they used to enjoy
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Changes in eating habits (a lot more or a lot less)
• Asking for money more often, without clear reasons

Physical Signs

• Bloodshot eyes, or eyes that look glassy
• Smell of alcohol or marijuana on their clothes or breath
• Looking tired or run-down a lot
• Unexplained weight loss or gain

How to Talk to Your Kid About It

This might feel like the hardest part. You don’t want to push them away, but you also can’t ignore what you’re seeing. Here’s how to start the conversation in a way that keeps the door open.

Pick the Right Time

• Don’t bring it up in the middle of a fight or when either of you is tired or upset.
• Try a casual setting — a walk, a car ride, or over a meal.
• Make sure you have time to actually talk, not just on a five-minute call.

Lead With Concern, Not Accusations

Try: “I’ve noticed you seem really overwhelmed lately. I just want to check in — how are you really doing?”

Listen More Than You Talk

• Let them finish their thoughts without jumping in.
• Try not to react with shock or anger — even if what they say surprises you.
• Say things like: “That sounds really hard” or “I get why you felt that way.”
• Avoid phrases like: “How could you do this?” or “I told you so.”

Ask About Substances Directly (But Calmly)

If you’re worried, it’s okay to ask. Something like: “Sometimes when people are super stressed, they drink more or use other stuff to deal. Has that been happening for you at all?”

A calm, non-judgmental tone makes it much easier for them to be honest with you.

Healthy Ways to Cope With Stress

One of the best things you can do is help your kid build a “toolkit” of healthy ways to deal with tough feelings. You can even share these in conversation — not as a lecture, but as ideas.

Physical

• Regular exercise (even a 20-minute walk helps)
• Getting enough sleep (this is especially important in college)
• Eating regular meals and drinking water

Mental and Emotional

• Journaling or writing out their feelings
• Talking to a friend, RA, or counselor
• Breathing exercises or mindfulness apps (like Headspace or Calm)
• Taking real breaks — not just scrolling online — to actually rest

Social

• Spending time with people who make them feel good
• Joining a club, team, or group around something they enjoy
• Calling or texting home: even if you don’t have an answer, sometimes just listening can help

When to Get Professional Help

Sometimes stress and anxiety are more than a student can handle on their own — and that’s okay. It’s not a failure. It’s a sign that more support is needed.

Encourage your kid to reach out to their campus counseling center if:

• They feel anxious or down most days
• They’re having trouble functioning — going to class, eating, sleeping
• They’ve mentioned using alcohol or other drugs regularly to feel okay
• They’ve talked about harming themselves or feeling hopeless

Campus Resources to Know About

• Student health or counseling center — most campuses offer free or low-cost sessions
• Crisis text lines (Text HOME to 741741 in the U.S.)
• SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7)
• Student assistance programs, which many schools have for specific substance-related concerns

You're Not Alone in This

Almost every parent worries about their college student at some point. The fact that you’re asking these questions means you’re paying attention — and that matters more than you know.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to stay connected, keep the lines of communication open, and remind your kid that you’re in their corner — no matter what.

The best thing you can give your kid right now isn’t a solution. It’s a safe place to land.

If your loved one is struggling with substance use and you’re not sure what to do next, you can always reach out to us for support. Our trained and compassionate helpline specialists can provide guidance or lend an ear.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal for college students to drink or use drugs to deal with stress?

It’s common, but common isn’t the same as harmless. Many students try alcohol or other drugs, and some use them to take the edge off stress or anxiety. Using substances to cope can feel like it helps at first, but over time it tends to worsen stress and anxiety and raises the risk of a substance use problem.

What’s the difference between experimenting and using substances to cope?

Experimenting is usually occasional and social. Using to cope means a person turns to alcohol or drugs specifically to manage difficult feelings — like drinking to quiet anxiety or using marijuana to fall asleep. When substances become a regular tool for handling emotions, it’s worth paying closer attention.

How do I talk to my college student about it without pushing them away?

Pick a calm, low-pressure moment, lead with concern rather than accusations, and listen more than you talk. You can ask directly but gently — for example, “Sometimes when people are stressed, they drink or use other things to cope. Has that been happening for you?”

What is self-medicating?

Self-medicating is using alcohol or other drugs to relieve emotional or mental health symptoms — such as anxiety, depression, or stress — rather than getting that support from a professional. It’s closely linked to co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders.

When should I encourage professional help?

Encourage campus counseling or a professional if your child feels down or anxious most days, is struggling to function, is using substances regularly to feel okay, or has mentioned feeling hopeless. If they talk about harming themselves, call or text 988 right away.