College is exciting, but it can also be a really hard transition. There are new classes, new people, less sleep, and big life decisions to deal with all at once. It’s normal for your kid to feel stressed or anxious. But sometimes, students turn to alcohol or other drugs to deal with those tough feelings. As a parent, knowing what to look for — and how to help — can make a big difference.
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When a person feels anxious, stressed, or down, substances like alcohol, marijuana, or prescription pills can make them feel better — at least for a little while. This is called “using to cope.” Here’s why it happens:
Here’s the tricky part: it can help someone feel better — at first. But over time, using substances to cope actually makes anxiety and stress worse, not better.
Some stress is totally normal in college. But certain changes in behavior are worth paying attention to. Watch for these signs:
This might feel like the hardest part. You don’t want to push them away, but you also can’t ignore what you’re seeing. Here’s how to start the conversation in a way that keeps the door open.
Try: “I’ve noticed you seem really overwhelmed lately. I just want to check in — how are you really doing?”
If you’re worried, it’s okay to ask. Something like: “Sometimes when people are super stressed, they drink more or use other stuff to deal. Has that been happening for you at all?”
A calm, non-judgmental tone makes it much easier for them to be honest with you.
One of the best things you can do is help your kid build a “toolkit” of healthy ways to deal with tough feelings. You can even share these in conversation — not as a lecture, but as ideas.
Sometimes stress and anxiety are more than a student can handle on their own — and that’s okay. It’s not a failure. It’s a sign that more support is needed.
Encourage your kid to reach out to their campus counseling center if:
Almost every parent worries about their college student at some point. The fact that you’re asking these questions means you’re paying attention — and that matters more than you know.
You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to stay connected, keep the lines of communication open, and remind your kid that you’re in their corner — no matter what.
The best thing you can give your kid right now isn’t a solution. It’s a safe place to land.
If your loved one is struggling with substance use and you’re not sure what to do next, you can always reach out to us for support. Our trained and compassionate helpline specialists can provide guidance or lend an ear.
It’s common, but common isn’t the same as harmless. Many students try alcohol or other drugs, and some use them to take the edge off stress or anxiety. Using substances to cope can feel like it helps at first, but over time it tends to worsen stress and anxiety and raises the risk of a substance use problem.
Experimenting is usually occasional and social. Using to cope means a person turns to alcohol or drugs specifically to manage difficult feelings — like drinking to quiet anxiety or using marijuana to fall asleep. When substances become a regular tool for handling emotions, it’s worth paying closer attention.
Pick a calm, low-pressure moment, lead with concern rather than accusations, and listen more than you talk. You can ask directly but gently — for example, “Sometimes when people are stressed, they drink or use other things to cope. Has that been happening for you?”
Self-medicating is using alcohol or other drugs to relieve emotional or mental health symptoms — such as anxiety, depression, or stress — rather than getting that support from a professional. It’s closely linked to co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders.
Encourage campus counseling or a professional if your child feels down or anxious most days, is struggling to function, is using substances regularly to feel okay, or has mentioned feeling hopeless. If they talk about harming themselves, call or text 988 right away.