Have you ever asked your teen, “What were you thinking?” after they made a risky or surprising choice? Maybe they stayed out too late, talked back, or tried something like vaping or drinking. It might seem like they just don’t care. But the truth is, their brains are still growing, and that makes it harder for them to control their impulses. Understanding teen impulse control can help you respond with more patience and support — especially when it comes to talking about alcohol and other substances.
What’s going on in the teen brain?
During the teen years, the brain is still under construction. The part of the brain that helps with making smart choices, thinking about consequences, and stopping yourself before doing something risky — called the prefrontal cortex — isn’t fully developed yet. And it won’t be until your teen is in their mid-20’s.
At the same time, the part of the brain that handles emotions, excitement, and rewards — called the limbic system — is very active in teens.
So, what does that mean? It means teens might:
- Do things without thinking it through
- Follow what their friends are doing
- Want to try new or exciting things — even if they’re risky
For example, your teen might know that vaping is harmful, but if all their friends are doing it and it looks cool in the moment, they may give in.
Risk-taking and substance use
Substances offer a quick “reward” or a short-term fix — like helping someone feel less stressed or more accepted. But they can harm a teen’s brain and increase the chance of developing a substance use problem later on.
Teens who struggle with impulse control may:
- Try substances without thinking about the risks
- Have a harder time stopping once they start
- Be more likely to use substances to deal with emotions
For example, a teen who is feeling anxious might smoke weed to feel calmer, not realizing that, in the long-term, cannabis use could hurt their memory and make school harder.
Teen impulse control: What parents can do to help
Even though teens are still learning how to control their impulses, parents can make a big difference. Here are some things that can help:
Stay calm when things get heated
It’s easy to get upset when your teen makes a poor choice, but staying calm shows them how to handle strong emotions.
Example: Instead of yelling, try saying, “I can see you’re upset. Let’s take a break and talk when we’re both calm.”
Set clear rules and routines
Teens need structure to help them stay on track.
Example:
- Set a curfew and stick to it
- Keep alcohol, marijuana, nicotine, medications, and vaping products out of reach
- Create regular times for meals, schoolwork, and screen use
If they break the rule, it’s important to stay calm. Restate the rule, the reason for it and the consequence. And make sure you see the consequence through, or your teen may continue to push boundaries.
Teach problem-solving
Help your teen think about what went wrong and how to fix it next time.
Example: Ask questions like, “What happened at that party? What did you consider when you made that choice? What else could you have done?” or
“You stayed out past curfew. What happened? What were your choices? What could you do differently next time?”
This builds brain strength and self-control over time.
Additionally, your teen might also have made a poor decision like substance use to cope with an underlying issue. By understanding why your teen made a bad choice, you can work with them to find better solutions.
Practice waiting and goal setting
Teen impulse control gets better with practice. Help your teen set small goals and work toward them.
Example: If your teen wants to buy something expensive, encourage them to save up over time instead of borrowing money right away.
Keep talking about substances
Have short, honest talks about drugs and alcohol. Don’t just say “don’t do it” — explain why.
Example: “I know some kids vape because it helps them relax, but it can really harm your lungs and make it harder to concentrate. Let’s talk about other ways to deal with stress.”
Ask questions too: “What would you do if someone at school offered you a vape?”
Teens aren’t trying to be difficult — they’re figuring out how to deal with strong emotions, pressure from friends, and growing independence. Their brains are still learning how to think ahead and control impulses. As a parent, you can guide them by staying connected, setting clear expectations, and helping them learn from their mistakes. That support can make a big difference — especially when it comes to staying away from harmful substances.