Being pregnant or caring for a new baby can bring lots of emotions—joy, fear, hope, and sometimes pain. If you are parenting or pregnant with a substance use disorder, you may be feeling scared, judged, or unsure of what to do next. You’re not alone—and you deserve support, not shame.
A recent study looked at women just like you—people who are pregnant or breastfeeding and also struggling with substance use.1 The study wanted to better understand how to help moms in this situation feel safer and more supported.
Here’s what the researchers found—and how it can help you take the next step toward healing.
What the Study Found
The researchers talked to 35 women who were parenting or pregnant with a substance use disorder in a treatment program in West Virginia. The women were asked about their childhood, what it was like being a mom and how their children’s lives might have been impacted by substance use.
The researchers learned that many of the moms experienced:
- Emotional and physical abuse and neglect
- Sexual abuse
- Divorced or separated parents
- Domestic violence
- Household substance use or mental illness
- A family member in jail or prison
These women were open and honest about their struggles, and their stories helped uncover some important truths:
1. Struggling Between Being a Mom and Getting Better
During pregnancy and after giving birth, many moms in the study felt really worried about how using drugs might have hurt their baby. For many of them, this worry made them really want to stop using substances right away.
Once they found out they were pregnant, many women said they felt a strong need to quit using drugs. Some were even able to stop right away. One mom shared:
“The moment I seen that I was pregnant on the stick, I had an eight-ball meth and I flushed it. I was willing. And like I didn’t touch anything.”
Others found it much harder to stop even though they wanted to:
“I had no clue what I was going to do because you know it’s just not logical to think that you can just lay it down and not pick it back up. When you’ve been in active addiction on and off for you know 14 years, you know that’s not true. You know and I hate to say this because I never see myself as somebody that would use while pregnant. But I found out you know I ate my words because even though you’re pregnant and you know you’re pregnant, you know that sickness is – your addiction doesn’t care.”
Some of the women said they looked for treatment as soon as they found out they were pregnant, because they wanted to protect their baby. One mom explained that she was scared quitting suddenly might hurt the baby:
“I was worried that if I quit, I might have a miscarriage.”
Women said they were afraid to ask for help because they thought they would be shamed or have their baby taken away. Sadly, many had already experienced this kind of treatment from health providers or family members.
2. When It's Hard to Be the Parent You Want to Be
Many of the moms in the study shared how hard it was to fully be there for their children when they were using drugs. They said that even though they could give their kids food, clothes, and a place to live, it was hard to give them the love and attention they needed emotionally.
One mom explained it this way:
“When I didn’t have any drugs, I felt sick and had no patience. Or I was so tired from using pills I couldn’t even get out of bed. I thought I was doing okay—I was there in body—but not in my heart or mind. I wasn’t the mom they deserved.”
The moms didn’t feel this way because they didn’t care. In fact, they deeply wanted to be good parents. But the addiction took over their thoughts. Many said they spent so much time thinking about how to get more drugs and avoid withdrawal that they couldn’t focus on anything else.
One mom shared:
“I didn’t cook. I didn’t clean. I didn’t spend time with my kids. I just kept thinking about getting heroin. That’s all that was on my mind.”
Most of the moms also said they didn’t want their kids to see them using drugs. To protect them, they would hide in another room or leave their kids with family while they used. One mom said:
“A mom shouldn’t be locked in a bathroom getting high while her kids are in the next room painting. That was never the kind of mom I wanted to be.”
3. Being a Mom While Dealing with the Legal System
Many moms in the study said that working with child protective services (CPS), the courts, and other government programs made parenting even harder. Some had their children taken away. Others were overwhelmed by all the rules and steps they had to follow to keep or get their children back.
Moms shared that the process often felt confusing and unfair. Some said the rules changed depending on who their caseworker or judge was, and that personal relationships sometimes made things better—or worse.
To get their children back after losing custody, moms had to meet a long list of requirements. But when you’re already dealing with substance use, little support, and daily challenges, those steps can feel nearly impossible.
“You’ve got to jump through this hoop, that hoop, and another one, just to get your child back. When you’re struggling with addiction, it all feels so out of reach.”
Others shared how hard it was to even get help meeting basic needs like food and housing. One mom said:
“I was even told at one point I made three cents too much to get any support…and all I was wanting, I mean, it was just food stamps to make sure I had food for the kids.”
These experiences left many moms feeling like the system worked against them instead of helping them become the parents they wanted to be.
4. When Children Are Taken Away
Many moms in the study talked about how painful it was to have their children taken away by Child Protective Services (CPS) or to live in fear that it might happen. Some moms said they chose to let a family member care for their children before CPS got involved, hoping to protect them. But others shared that CPS removed their children suddenly and didn’t always seem to focus on keeping families together or looking out for the child’s well-being.
Losing a child was deeply distressful for many moms. It left them heartbroken—and sometimes hopeless. When they lost custody, especially if their parental rights were taken away completely, some moms felt like there was no reason left to keep trying to not use substances.
For the moms who were able to get their children back, it wasn’t always easy. They had to adjust to parenting again—this time while staying sober. That could be really challenging, especially if the child had been gone for a long time or was struggling with their own feelings about the separation.
One mom shared:
“There’s CPS involvement and your kids are gone. And then once they come back, your kind of, you’ve not parented in a year or two years or however many years. And then you know you’re with this child, and there’s a lot of disciplinary issues.”
5. How Substance Use Affected their Children
Many moms in the study said they believed their substance use had a serious impact on their kids in different ways—emotionally, physically, and even financially.
One mom shared how hard it was to think about what her children had witnessed:
“They saw me at my worst. I never overdosed in front of them, but I nodded off. I’ve been so high I forgot to feed them. It’s hard to say that out loud, but it’s the truth.”
Some moms said their drug use caused money problems, which affected their children’s basic needs. Others talked about how their moods changed—being more angry or impatient, especially when they couldn’t get drugs. This made parenting harder.
Many moms said their kids grew up in homes where they saw people using drugs, overdosing, or being violent. Some children were even hurt by people in the home who were also using.
Many moms said they didn’t realize how much their kids had gone through until years later—when the children finally told them. The moms felt deep guilt and wanted to take responsibility. They also hoped to rebuild their relationships in a way that felt safe and comfortable for their children.
Some moms shared that people said terrible things about them in front of their children—calling them names and judging them. This caused confusion and emotional pain for the kids. One mom explained how her daughter was affected after seeing her overdose:
“Nobody ever helped her through that. They just told her I was a junkie whore, and I was a piece of shit. So she wasn’t ever helped to get through that. So she’s hurting inside.”
You Deserve Kindness and Care
If you’re pregnant or breastfeeding and using substances, you may feel like people are judging you or that there’s no way out. But help is out there, and recovery is possible.
You are not a bad mom. You are a person who is struggling—and you deserve support, not shame.
Ways to Cope and Begin Healing
Here are some ways you can take care of yourself and your baby while working through substance use:
Talk to someone you trust.
Find a doctor, nurse, social worker, or counselor who listens without judgment. There are providers trained to help without shame.
Look for programs that help moms and babies together.
Some treatment programs let you stay with your baby while you heal. These are called “mother-baby programs” or “family-centered treatment.”
Be gentle with yourself.
Healing isn’t always a straight line. There might be hard days—but every step forward matters.
Ask about ways to safely breastfeed.
If you want to breastfeed, talk with your provider. Some medications or substances may affect breastfeeding, but others may not. You can make a plan together.
Connect with other moms in recovery.
You’re not alone. Support groups (online or in person) can help you feel stronger and less isolated.
Try small self-care activities.
Even just 5 minutes a day to rest, breathe deeply, or listen to calming music can help you feel more in control.
Your health and your baby’s health matter—but so does your well-being as a person. You deserve a chance to heal, to parent, and to feel hopeful again.
If you ever feel stuck or unsure, reach out to our Baby Steps helpline by texting BABY to 55753. Our helpline specialists are people who care and want to help—without judgment.