Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Condoning a Loved One’s Addiction

It is difficult to recognize what acceptance is in this context. I went through this with my family for the past two decades – going back and forth about what it mean to accept that my child has a problem with drugs.

The initial reaction to drug abuse is often resistance and disgust. Parents and teens can dance a pattern of cause, effect and reaction; again and again, not realizing what they are dealing with until it is too late. In doing this, we lose opportunities for early intervention. We are too eager to believe our kid’s half-hearted contrition’s and resume the illusion of “normalcy.”

That’s the trap.  It is important to notice behavior in a teen and consider drug tests(Note: While home drug tests can be unreliable, having a doctor perform a drug test can be a helpful tool; Although be aware that teens find all sorts of ways to beat these tests and even professional tests can be inaccurate) to determine if a positive result should lead to intervention. If the result is oxy’s, heroin, meth, or anything like that, then, YES!  Accept it and map out some solutions. And in the process, don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Unfortunately, our communities offer too little assistance and are quick to toss young addicts in jail for their petty drug-related crimes. Drug addiction in anyone’s family is a big cross to bear and helping an addict is not an easy path. Acceptance helps.

Acceptance and courage are old attributes. In life, we all get a chance to test these qualities; like the farmer watching his crops flood alongside an overflowing river.  His first reaction is denial! After accepting the urgency of the condition, the farmer would build sandbag levees. That is acceptance and transformation of agony into  courage and action. A parent building the levees of preparation for intervention or treatment for a teen bitten by addiction is like stepping into a vision that recovery and redemption are entirely possible. Acceptance in that context does not mean condoning drug addiction.

A parent can be tempted to believe that their child has ruined his life, but that person still needs to be accepted and feel hope. Addiction has a path of its own, and can trump what you do, so be prepared.

Have a plan without feeling a need to force it. Look hard into the condition you are faced with. Be intentional, but don’t try and be God. When an opportunity arises, you will be ready to take action.

Even with all the money or support in the world, it simply is not a parent’s sole responsibility to solve this problem for their child; your loved one has to choose recovery and believe they can succeed.  At the end of the day, we are often left feeling powerless, but that doesn’t equal “giving up” or “rejecting an ugly condition”; it is a stark recognition of what one does not control. That is what acceptance feels like.

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    Bill Ford

    March 30, 2011 at 5:04 PM

    You are right. I meant to say Nar-Anon ( Narcotics Anonymous ) Narconon is a rehab program administered by the Church of Scientology and when I last priced it out was about $25K for one month, basically out of reach for 90% of addicts. In fact, all private rehab is out of reach for 90% of addicts. Heroin and meth addicts, as well as addicts of other hard drugs and narcotics actually, need to be sequestered for a long period of time if they can not do it themselves. A private setting with staff and counselors is far too expensive for most. That’s why in desperation, some say jail is all that is available for the worst cases. State funding is steading diminishing. The cheapest way to accomplish this is with AA and NA. It is free and fills the need to form new associations. Having said that, it requires self discipline to walk away from an addiction, which many addicts do not have, not the least the ability to live with chronic anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, and so on that hard core addicts endure for sometimes a year or more. No small wonder failure is the norm. So, if you are not rich, your chances are unfortunately, small. Kicking without financial backing takes guts.

    Now, having heard good things about Narconon, it may be worth 25K to try it out for those fortunate enough to afford it, at your own risk of course. See this link for information about Narconon –

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