Whether you suspect your child is drinking or not, your goal here is not to lecture, convince, or catch them in a lie. The goal is to understand what they’re thinking and keep communication open.
Start with Curiosity
Instead of:
“You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”
Try:
“I’ve been wondering what you’ve been seeing or hearing about drinking lately.”
Ask About Their World
“What do kids your age think about drinking?”
“How common is drinking at parties or gatherings?”
“What kind of pressure have you felt to drink?”
“What do your friends think about alcohol?”
Explore Without Judging
“What do you think people like about drinking?”
“What do you think are the downsides?”
“Have you ever seen someone get into trouble because of alcohol? What happened?”
“What worries you, if anything, about drinking?”
If You Suspect Alcohol Use
“Help me understand what happened.”
“Walk me through your night.”
“What was going through your mind at the time?”
“How are you feeling about it now?”
If They Get Defensive
Instead of:
“You’re not listening.”
Try:
“I’m not trying to get you in trouble. I’m trying to understand.”
“I appreciate you talking with me.”
“We don’t have to solve this today.”
Reminders
- Stay calm.
- Listen more than you talk.
- Avoid rapid-fire questions.
- Focus on understanding before problem-solving.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Visit the Alcohol Resource Center for trusted information, practical tools, and support to help you navigate alcohol-related concerns with confidence.