Talking to your teen or young adult about alcohol can feel awkward, or even a little scary. Maybe you’re not sure what to say, when to say it, or how to bring it up without starting a fight. You’re not alone.
Most parents have the same questions, and there’s no perfect script to follow. What matters most is staying calm, staying curious, and keeping the conversation going over time instead of trying to cover everything in one talk.
We’ve translated the research and science around youth alcohol use to help you with real-life scenarios and questions you have about teen and young adult drinking. Below are answers to some of the most common questions parents search for, from spotting warning signs to knowing when it’s time to get outside help.
No, not as many as you might think. National surveys show that only about 1 in 10 kids ages 12-17 reported drinking in the past month, and that number has been trending down every year.[1]
Drinking isn’t as “normal” for teens as it might have felt a generation ago. We know much more today about the range of effects that alcohol can have on youth’s health and safety. For example, many of us didn’t wear helmets for sports in our youth, but we now know that helmets can protect the brain. The same is true of alcohol—we know more about protecting our kids against its effects than ever.
Experts generally say no. Even small amounts of alcohol given by parents don’t teach “responsible drinking.” Research actually links this kind of supervised drinking to higher-risk drinking, heavier alcohol use, and a higher risk of developing problems with drinking later on.[2]
Parents can help foster a healthy social life without alcohol. Try hosting activities at your house that don’t involve drinking, and encourage other alcohol-free hangouts. It also helps to gently challenge the idea that alcohol is needed to have a good time. As Chris Herren, a former NBA player athlete in recovery, puts it, kids are enough just as they are, without needing a drink to enjoy a Friday night.
Yes, often a strong one. Mental health and substance use can go hand-in-hand: Anxiety, depression, and other mental health struggles are some of the biggest risk factors for teen drinking. If your teen is experiencing a mental health disorder, getting them the right support can also lower their risk of turning to alcohol.
Yes. Teen and young adult brains are still developing until around age 25. Alcohol can affect memory, learning, and decision-making more strongly during this time, interfering with with healthy social, cognitive and academic functioning. Starting early raises the risk of alcohol problems later in life: the earlier a child drinks, the higher their likelihood of developing an alcohol use disorder in the future.[3]
For most people, binge drinking means having enough drinks in about two hours to raise blood alcohol to a risky level, usually 4+ drinks for biological women and 5+ for biological men. For teens, it can take even fewer drinks to reach that level since their bodies are smaller and still developing.
Yes. Mixing alcohol with energy drinks can hide the feeling of being drunk, which can lead to drinking more than they realize. This raises the risk of alcohol poisoning and other dangerous situations. One example is the recent “BORG” drinking trend at colleges, where students mix alcohol in a large jug with water, juice, and other drinks, often including caffeinated drinks.
No. In fact, the opposite tends to be true. Studies show European teens report more drinking, binge drinking, and alcohol-related problems than teens in the U.S.[3] That pattern often continues into adulthood; adults in the U.S. consume alcohol at far lower rates compared to adults in Europe.[4]
No. While genetics play a role, other big risk factors include experiencing mental health disorders, trouble with impulse control, past trauma, easy access to alcohol, and starting to drink at a young age.
Generally, it’s best to avoid giving your child alcohol altogether. If alcohol is part of a religious ritual or tradition, offering a small amount in that specific context is considered acceptable by many experts. If you choose to do this, it helps to be clear with your child that it’s the one exception, not a green light for drinking otherwise. When making this decision, you may want to take your family history and any other risk factors for developing an alcohol use disorder into consideration.
Keep it a conversation, not a lecture. Ask what they already know or think about drinking. Share facts calmly, and let them ask questions too. Short, regular chats work better than one big, scary talk, and starting early (well before the teen years) helps normalize the topic. Take opportunities for conversations as they occur, like seeing a beer ad on television or passing a bar.
No. Research shows the opposite. Teens who talk openly with parents about alcohol are often less likely to drink, or drink less, than teens who never discuss it at home.
It’s better not to. This can backfire, since kids often want to do what adults do and may become more curious about drinking because of it. Instead, stick with a simple message: alcohol isn’t healthy for growing kids, and you want them to have the strongest brain and body possible.
No, it’s better to talk about it openly, and early. If you don’t, your child will likely learn about alcohol from friends, ads, social media, and popular culture instead, and that information is often incomplete or misleading. Talking honestly, without exaggerating or using scare tactics, is unlikely to spark interest in drinking. The majority of teens say their parents are the most important influence on their decisions about whether or not to use substances.
Have honest conversations about alcohol well before move-in day, and keep the door open after they leave, too. The first few weeks of college are a especially high-risk time. Make sure they know the risks, understand their school’s rules and safety resources, and, most importantly, feel comfortable reaching out to you in any situation, no matter what.
Signs can include smelling like alcohol or mouthwash, red eyes, slurred speech, mood swings, or acting unusually clumsy or sleepy. One sign alone doesn’t always mean much, but several together are worth addressing. A hug hello when they get home can also give you a close, caring way to check in.
Stay calm before you talk to them, but don’t brush it off as normal teen behavior. Ask questions instead of accusing right away, and try to understand why they’re drinking. If you suspect they’ve been drinking that night, it’s often best to save the bigger conversation for the next morning, when everyone is calmer and more rested.
Most experts advise against this unless it’s done by a medical professional under specific circumstances. It can damage trust without necessarily preventing them from drinking.
Involve them in the conversation. Explain the reasons behind your rules, like health risks or legal issues, instead of just saying no. Teens tend to respect rules more when they understand the “why.”
Talk beforehand about a plan, like a code word to text you if they need a ride home, no questions asked in the moment. Knowing they have an exit plan can help them make safer choices.
Yes, it’s worth taking seriously. A teen can seem to be doing fine on the surface while still using alcohol in an unhealthy way underneath. Try to understand what’s driving the drinking, and avoid lecturing, yelling, or punishing when you bring it up. If it continues, it’s a good idea to get professional help.
Watch for drinking that’s becoming frequent, drinking alone, needing more to feel the same effect, missing responsibilities, or mood swings tied to drinking. One-time experimenting looks different from a pattern that keeps repeating.
Watch for confusion, vomiting, slow or irregular breathing, pale or blue-tinged skin, low body temperature, or trouble staying awake. If you see these signs, call emergency services right away. Don’t wait to see if they’ll “sleep it off.”
It’s just as important for your teen to know what to do in an emergency. Tell them to put their friend on their side, so they don’t choke if they vomit, and call 911 right away. Make sure your teen knows that protecting their friend’s safety matters more than getting in trouble. Many states have Good Samaritan laws that protect underage kids who call for help in these situations, though not every state’s law covers this.
If drinking is affecting school, work, relationships, or their health, or if you’ve tried talking and things aren’t improving, it’s a good time to reach out to a doctor or counselor. Getting help before a crisis happens can be more effective.
It depends on how serious their drinking is. There are digital programs designed to help teens and young adults cut back or stop drinking, as well as programs to support parents in guiding their child toward healthier habits. For more serious cases, outpatient counseling or (in severe situations) residential treatment may be recommended. Related interventions might include medications to treat alcohol use disorder or taking steps to reduce harm if your loved one is unwilling to stop completely. For more information on navigating the treatment system, click here.