Still Embarrassed

4 2

I had my first vodka at 7. Smoked pot by 14. Alcoholic by 15. Tripped on acid and mescaline. By 19 was tripping on Ecstasy, microdots. Sniffing Special K. Any pills that I could get. Valiums or Xanaxs preferably. And then I tried cocaine. The feeling was one I never felt before. I felt like I could conquer the world. I just got out of an abusive relationship for many years and it just dulled the pain.

Fast forward 3 years I found out I was 4 months pregnant. Not wanting to have an abortion, I smoked pot a few times but stopped all other drugs and fortunately I gave birth to a healthy child. Back to drugs days after his birth. Got married to the baby's father. Someone who I learned about personality after marriage and I hated the person he was.

6 years later I was only using cocaine and pot and wanting to stop I moved out of my hometown. Stayed clean for 2 years but was very unhappy in my life and went back to what I knew. 3 years later I started to be hospitalized for reasons the doctors didn't understand cause I didn't tell them I was a drug addict getting high every day. I have been in the hospital 6 times in 5 years cause I have a horrible lung condition. 3 years ago I stopped smoking pot. That was big for me being a smoker for 22 years. 2 months ago I did my last bump of cocaine because the amount of money I spent, I got divorced and I no longer wanted to be that person.

Now I take every day, day by day. My lungs will forever be scarred. I can never get back all that I lost and I also did everything without my family or friends knowing my struggle every day. I hope I can stay sober. I have 2 months. It's a start. Thank you for reading

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    June 4, 2015 at 9:20 AM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. And congrats on one year in recovery today!

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    August 13, 2014 at 7:45 PM

    You can remain clean! Positive reinforcement one day at a day. One meeting a day, everyday, a good sponsor and a commitment to stay clean.

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