From an early age, my life has just been a downward spiral- parents' divorce, abuse, and my mother abandoning my sister and me. Mental illness is a large part of my family especially on my mother's side. I inherited these terrible genes of course. I am manic depressive and I suffer from anxiety and severe depression. At first, as a coping method, I would self-harm by cutting. It's still a struggle today. As I got older, I was introduced to pain killers. It made me feel numb. I wasn't happy nor sad and it was the greatest thing. This went on for two years. Marijuana became a big part of my life. This happened the summer of 2013. There wasn't a day that I wasn't high off of something. Mixing drug use with self-harm was most certainly not a good thing. The cutting progressed as did the drug use. I had a job and school started again, so the drug use wasn't as bad. But after a suicide attempt in October, I knew I needed to get my life together. I knew I didn't deserve to do this to myself. But, here recently, especially in the last few months, things got worse. I started taking Xanax. And on top of that, I was smoking marijuana with it. This intensifies the high. Like being drunk without drinking. My life was going downhill, again. I had stopped taking pain killers a long time ago, but I saw myself going down the same road. I realized that I didn't want my life to be that again. So I stopped. I just stopped. Quitting cold turkey was very hard, but it was for the best. The only thing I struggle with now is smoking cigarettes, but I'm sure when the time comes, I know I'll be able to over come that as well. I have found someone who I love and they love me back. I am the happiest that I have ever been and I know this would not have been possible if I were still doing drugs. My life is finally where I need to be.
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