Guilt trip

6 1

I am 17 years old and this is my story. I live a normal life, both parents living at home and married, older brother in college, little brother at home with us. I started using marijuana when I was about 15 years of age, I smoked every morning and every night, even went to school like that. My parents found out but just told me they were gonna start drug testing me so I quit. I started finding new ways to feel good, drinking alcohol and Xanax came into my life. I got caught at school overdosing on Xanax. It was a miserable experience, my parents took it easy on me and I waned their trust back shortly after. I got caught at school drinking and falling over the place. Now that was when I felt my life was ending. My parents sent me to a treatment center. Inpatient for about a week and after that I attended an outpatient program. I loved it, the people there understood me! I earned my parents trust back and wanted to start my life over without drugs when I got released. I was as happy as can e. about a couple months later I bought Xanax and acid from a fried. Took it at the same time and decided to go stealing and sure enough I got everything I could get my hands on. I finally got home after not answering any of my mothers phone calls and they knew I was messed up the minute I walked in that door. Now I'm struggling with everything all over again, my boyfriend of one year wants to break it off. My family is so upset and disappointed with me. I'm still struggling to keep my money saved and not spend it on any other drugs I can get my hands on. The worst part is all I feel is shame. This time, I know I have to stop. I want to be sober. It has affected my life terrible and all the people in it. I'm now struggling with parents and boyfriend issues. To anyone who makes mistakes like I did, don't. It will tear up apart. 

Show Your Love

Add a heart to this story. A heart can mean support, appreciation, sympathy, compassion, understanding — or any other heartfelt sentiment you wish to impart.

    User Picture


    June 17, 2014 at 1:52 PM

    I have experience with a drug-addicted son. He has been in various treatment venues for the last 10 months. I think part of your difficulty is that despite WANTING to be clean you are surrounded or within easy access to people who are using or can get you drugs. If you are genuinely interested in living a different life, I would recommend that you attend aa/na regularly (find meetings on their websites and try different ones until you find ones that work for you) and find a sponsor who you can call when you are feeling weak. Also, you might want to consider finding a good half-way way house where you will be held accountable and can work or go to school and socialize with new people who are committed to living a life without drugs/alcohol. Even though your family may not trust you much right now because you have relapsed more than once, they will respect and admire your effort and in time you can mend these fences. The most important thing is to do it for YOURSELF!
    G-d bless and good luck,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *