Drinking leads to all….

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Well where to begin.... well i was around the age of seven when i took my first drink.  I grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father.( and his father was also).  It was a bottle of whiskey my father had and he kinda made me have a drink at seven can you believe that! So at an early age i was already awhere that my dad and grandpa were alcoholics. 

  I didnt drink again til 12. This is a good story.... my best friends and I were having a sleep over. So we were having fun jumping onto the trampoline and swimming.  Then night fell. I have no idea where or when we decided to steal alcohol from our parents in the night but it happened.  We drank on volka and whiskey, then for some reason we wanted more, thats when i should have known better. So my friend runs over to his parents house and tries to grab more....thats when it all happened.  My friends dad is a police detective, so when he went over he smelled the alcohol on my friend( his son).  He just told us later on that his dad started asking questions and really working him up and he got beat pretty good, now this is back in ninties,  so this is before all this abuse stuff.  Well after we didnt hear from my friend for a while we knew there was a problem. Then all of a sudden my parents came out and yep yelling, got paddled, and grounded. I knew after that i needed to change. So i started doing better .  

I was a superstar wrestler and all around great athlete. I started wrestling when i was really young.  Wrestling was the best thing ive done in my life so far.  I had colleges already looking at me. I wrestled thru my junior high and high school.  My senior year was when it all fell apart.  I had a division 2 college wanting me to come up for a visit, so we went.  They offered me a full ride for wrestling  and soccer.  I decided not to go because i thought i could have a year off to think about it, i was really wrong.  My girlfriend at the time didnt want me to leave the town.  Then i recieved a phone call from my brother, which he was already into drinking and everything, saying that my girlfriend was cheating on me and the guy she was cheating on me with was talking crap about me. So i being a person that i am (wrestler) i never back down so i told my brother to come get me. We went out to a field where they were starting to build houses, this is a day before thanksgiiving. We pulled in a seen four guys get out of there trucks and i jump out of the back of the car a run up to the guy that was talking crap about me and everyone else just backed off, so he pushed me and i hit him so hard and really beat him up.  After he was laying down on the ground i turned to all the other guys and said "who else im ready" and they picked there friend up out of the mud and took off.  I get back into the car, they asked me what i wanted to do, so i said take me to my girlfriends house.

  We showed up at her house pretty late, but i didnt care. I was just in a fight and won i thought i was the man.  I banged on her door and she answered. She seen that i was covered in mud and asked what happened. I began telling her that i just beat her new boyfriends butt and then yelled into her house at her dad yeah i beat your boys ass.  So need less to say that relationship didnt last. and my college scollership was in jeopardy. 

So me thinking that everyhting was going to be fine i started the drinking thing with my friends the summer after granduation. Just thinking that i could stop any time. I was wrong. When you have alcoholism in your family it is inherited from parents, which i didnt know til it was to late.  

I started drinking more. It went from every weekend like a friday or saturday night to three times aweek.  I really enjoyed it. We were able to get into dance clubs and bars.  Then thats when drugs come into play.  When using alcohol all the time and you feel like you cant handle any more drinks, my friend came up and offered me some cocaine.  I took that and wow there was no better feeling, so i now know how bad that really was for ya. The mixture of the two put my self into a state of extasy.  So thru my first summer out of high school i was already doing drugs and drinking.

My life was really starting to spin out of control. I started losing my jobs, my friends, girlfriends everything.  I guess my life really started to crumble when i got my first dui. Then another right after my twenty second bday. Then my license was suspended indefintly.  At twenty two wow!  so now no car and no job i had to start bumming everywhere. I dint think i was starting to look bad in front of everyone so i just used people to get my fix on whatever it was, either drugs or drinking.  At this point i didnt care as long as i was getting what i wanted screw everyone else, thats is what us addicts think truth.  

So a few years go by and fast too. At this time i was around twenty five i finally found myself a girlfriend, and tried to settle down.  We then had my one and only son so we had to move somewhere and start this family. We moved out of the small town i grew up in, and into a apartment.  It was great when i all started.  I knew that i wanted to be this best dad ever.  I worked everyday i even had two to three jobs at a time to help pay bills and everything.  Then i meet another friend one day i was off, he was a good family man had three kids and everyday i seen him drinking and being a responable parent still while being intoxicated.  I thought what the hell i start drinking.  And it went from one day to a week of straight drinking which is what everyone did over there. They drank 24/7. I started losing myself again.Lost my job and apartment. We got behind on bills and my son still an infant needs all his things, we had to move in her moms house.  Thats when it went really sour.

We moved in and i knew right off the bat that we really needed to work hard and get out of there.  My girlfriend at the time was really lazy and never wanted to work or anything so i had to find a job.  I finally did and thought everything was going to be ok, i was wrong again. We started getting money and not paying any of our bills.  We just wanted to party and do drugs with no responsability.  We would go out with my son in the car and make trips to the city to score drugs. I hit rock bottom here. We were pulling out after scoring drugs a cop was behind us and thats when i went to jail for a  month because of tickets that ive never paid off. 

The next thing i know is that i get out jail, and the so called friend that i made in there, gets out the same day.  He started saying that we need some money, so he started going around to everyone i mean everyone and asking for money.  He succeeded because the next thing i know is that we were drunk behind a liqor store.  We got drunk fast and his woman came up and got him.  I was still waiting, I was waiting on my girlfriend/ babies momma to get me for almost twelve hours.  I was so mad but relieved when i saw her. She dyed her hair and was acting kinda weird but i never thought anything was going on.  It didnt come out til about a year later that she did cheat on me. I was now 27 my son was a year old and we were really trying to make things work but it was too much.  All i had my eye on was getting messed up i dint care about  everything else besides my son. So my girlfriend and i decided that it would be better if we spilt apart. I would still be in contact with my boy and everything would be fine. SO i went about my life trying to find a place to stay and using my friends to get what i wanted. My ex was leaving with her mom still and my son was safe.  It all really fell off at this point of my life. 

I was homeless had no money. I spent a few nights in the trunk of my new girlfriends car, the other nights i was sleepin in abandon barns and sheds.  I had nothing at all i thought for sure that my life is over. I had nothing else to live for.  It took one more time of going to jail to wake me up. I thought ya know my son, when its time to let him know what happened to me, is really going to need me in his life.  So when i got out of jail it went right to drinking again just to try to find someone to stay with.  I was with my new girlfriend and it hit me.  Im done, I had no where to go but my mothers house where i can recieve the help i despritly need.  

I called my mom and told her that i need help..... she said she would be right down to get me afterwork.  I finally found out about the salvation army and how they take you in and help you stay sober.  I called them immediatily and told them the situation, they said for me to come up and they would try to help me. So the next thing i know i was on my way to the great and tough times of soberity. Everyday is a fight still after five years, and i will have to live with it forever!!!! Just for today is the saying that i tell myself everyday.  I just know that i need to keep my eye on the prize.  A family , house, career is what i need to work for and for yourself.  It was my own desicion to become sober and stay sober. 

And now after all these years i am 33 and sober .  Its been five years since i was drunk or had any drugs. I just cant get my son out of my head. The last time i talked to my ex was aboout three years ago when i was told that i was able to see my son on fathers day and then she cancelled on me the day of.  She is thinking because her life and my sons is going so good now that the real father doesnt need to be there. she is sorely mistaken.  It will only hurt her in the long run because i know me and if my boy is anything like me, which he is, he will start asking questions. So what im trying to say is just be patients pay off if you are in this situation.

Thank you for reading i hope ive created a good picture for you. Life is full of struggles. All you have to do is just live just for today and the days keep on rolling.  Find something that you can do without all the drinks and drugs. Its your freedom take a deep breath and exhale because your life has end less possiblities. I now have a career and house and still working on that family but it wouldnt be there if i wasnt. Good luck and keep your head up, your addiction has an enemy, you!

thanks and god bless

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