Destin and born to fail !!!!

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   I was born into a useing home although i didnt know it yet... so long story short i moved around alot growing up my mom left my dad prob 3 times a year!  I first started useing by stealing reefer from my dads plants and of course my older bro showed me the ropes... and as i moved in and out of a small town at the age of 12 i met a boy... 16.  That was all she wrote. frome there on it was lieing about my age, skipping school, l sneeking out to go to rave clubs,rideing in stolen cars, lieing to my parents not like i got punished for it but i think it was the thrill of the lie its self the thrill of getting caught. which wasnt long befor i got in trouble with the police. i got lucky and got to do a second chance program twice in two dif countys. that was just middle school... and then high school my mom had the TALK... her words were " i dont like it when you lie to me so if your going to get high id rather you do it in the house so i know your safe"... HA!!! dont get me wrong i belive she ment well because she was just as sick but she just didnt know it yet.  so it was just one experiment after another looking for bigger and better things. so then i met my now husband and my freshman year i was introduced to pain pills!!!!!! and that was it i found my love my other half that piece that filled the void. oxycotin.  Then a gift came to me or so i thought. some insurance company comtacted me from wherer i was in a car accident a couple years back, and offerd my 12500.00 to settle out of court and not sue, and i was fine so my mom and i decided that would be best you know not to have to put me threw court. ha i ment get the cash faster. so i bought my prom dress that i didnt even go to my jr prom be cause i was so geeked out on blow. so i just acted like i went and spent the money on drugs... then i got pregnant and i swore i was going to change... so i moved out finished school and had one hell of a graduation party that my mom was nice enoug to throw for me... although i funded it. by the way my son was 5 mos old when i did graduate. so long story short my husband lost his job and after blowing threw my settlement we thought it would be a good ideal to withdraw his profit sharing account... yeah that went just as fast if not faster so i decided i needed cash and fast so i started stripping. and it paid very well. we were doing good again and i got preg and had my second son and then we started crack together and we lost every thing again we even traded out vehicle to my husbands uncle for crack which we owed him too. we owed every one. so we moved i went to rehab he quit on his own but i didnt stop dancing. we needed the money to get out of the hole we but ourselves in. so i started at a new club and we thought that would work you know a whole new begging.  well i also coincidently started working at a club where they allow underage drinking for their girls. you know to loosen them up. we that was all great and all but that was just the beginning i also started not coming home all weekend and not remembering a lot and useing who ever and what ever i could i was partying every weekend and  then it was threw the week and my husband didnt mind because hell he had his 30s and i had my what ever. but i had a reality check when my youngest son got sick and spent 2 weeks in the hospital so i had to straighten up so back to rehab  i went. and that time it lasted about 2 weeks and i was useing again. oh yeah i forgot... my dealer became my mom and dad... i was in heaven! and then i was hiding my using from my husband which i did alot... because i made cash money and i could have bad nights at work... so one night i really did have a bad night i couldnt tell my husband i was going to go threw withdraw because he still thought i was clean. so i had to make a trip to the supermarket and went to see a friend close by, because my parents lived an hour away.  and i couldnt raise supision with my husband... so my friend said she could cop for me and brought back something els... something that scared me something that i had always been afraid of and i was scared. but i was sick and desprate so i did it. that ultimate drug, that  evil , that wonderful amazing glorifying drug, HEROIN!!! not only did it take the sickness away it actually got me high! that high that i had been chaseing all thoes years. and that was when it started back i couldnt stop i wreaked a total of 7 cars some mine some others. mixing heoin and alcohol intincifyed it by a million and zanx ! wow ! i felt unstopppable ! that is until i woke up in my parents bed room not remembering any thing blood all over me my car totaled and my mom helping me get my fix because i was out for so long i was starting to go threw wirthdraw. and it took me a couple more accidents and a couple more rehab visits. to realize that that was not the life i wanted hell i was broke no car living at my parents people in and out all hours of the day and night useing drugs using drugs in the bathroom and i was raising my children in this inviornment !!!!  and then i decided to just go so my husband and i decided it would be best to move out and stay clean and that took us a quite a few times concidering that he started useing heroin too because every time he tried to stop me i would take our children and go... sound familiar. i prob did that once every other month sometimes more. so he dicided if you cant beat them joing them,


so we lived in hotels all summer and back to my moms so then we just got sick of it and had a reality check because when we went to our hotel we were prob there 3 days and caught a break and an apartment opend up and the very first day we moved in because well we had no furniture to move just us and our bags, so i got a phone call saying the police were at my parents. so i called my dads phone and a strang voice picked up the phone. yep the head detective that was in charge of the raid!!!!!! he wanted to talk to me and wanted to know where my older brother was... i had no ideal what was going on i thought i was a joke... i fliped out once it sunk in.  that was 7 moths ago. well need less to say they took my dad to jail whick he is still awaiting trial and my brother is now out of jail because he agreed to testify against my dad! Even though my brother wasnt even envolved with my dad he had his own connection any way-  i visti my dad every other weekend and we are awaiting his trial he is facing life because he had alot of guns in the house and hes an ex con and drugs and alot of cash and i mean alot alot alot in the 7 digs! in cash buried and the police took it all... so now my husband and i are raising our boys in a drug fee inviornment, husband is working  i just started taking a college course for drug addiction specalist. my boys are now 6 and 4 and we just got back from vacation in south carolina and we are doing great. i am doing great. i now go to 2 meetings a week and i am happy. my life is going great ... although i did find out that while useing iv drugs i did contract Hepittitus C. and i know that i will have to live with that for the rest of my life but if thats all that i got i am happy because i should have died several times in my days of useing but my higher power kept me here and i belive it is so i can share my story and help others suffering from this plauge of addiction. because it is alwasy going to be an issue in our society and i dont want others to make the same mistakes i did and if i can even help one person not suffer threw this i will, because i know what a diffrence it is to have some one there that understands. so i hope my story can help someone. for me i just had to take it one day at a time hell even some days it took me one second at a time but i did it and im still doing it... and i cant promise you tomorrow only today. and also remember that it took you a long time to ruin your life so its going to take some time to re build it ... never give up and dont let your mistakes keep you down relaps is a part of recovery once you relaps you know what your triggers are and you can learn from your mistakes...

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