Confused and needing help

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I've never really spoken about this. I have bought all the books, read so many forums and have so many questions. I have a cocaine addict boyfriend. It's hard to say that without wanting to cry or constantly scream and ask why. He has been an addict for years. We dated when we were kids and I found him again after 10 years of not speaking. We went out on our first date and I noticed he was 3 hours late, very paranoid and cold. I thought it was nerves to be honest. Anywho, we were great for a while. I noticed he never wanted to hangout because he was tired. He always had to go run errands for an hour or so every couple of hours.

One night I guess he really wanted to use that he called me. He always called when he was on it. He started a whole story about things that weren't adding up. It was odd. He confessed to me that he lied about being sober and that infact he was on white. I was hurt, cried for sometime but told him that he could come to me for anything we would work through it.

Now, he breaks promises, never calls, is always upset. Doesn't ever want to leave his room. Everytime I go to spend time with him, he is beyond angry. He says that he wants to be alone to do a line from here to there. He's always mean to me when he is feening.

He said that he doesn't believe that I love or care about him. That's his answer to everything that I'm going to walk away from him. That my kindness is fake because I don't judge what he does. I try to help him take his kind off of it. He makes no effort to change. But he wants my help. He works, pays his bills ect. He's responsible when it comes to all that. My question is his mother said to not give up on him and be patient but they gave up along time ago.

From people that understand this situation better than I ever will, what advice could you give me?

Please? I'm at my final rope.

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    June 22, 2014 at 7:47 AM

    Find an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting near you and go. It’s for friends and families of alcoholics and addicts. Give it a chance and after awhile you’ll see clearly as to what the right thing “to do” is.

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    June 17, 2014 at 2:09 PM

    His mother, for good reason, would like to see you stay in his life because she is hoping that something/someone can change his destructive course. You should not be guilted into doing that! You need to ask yourself why you would be in a relationship like this? Just know that you can not help someone who cannot help himself. The best thing you can do for him is to break up with him and let him know exactly how and why his using has affected your relationship with him. He needs to hear it, experience it, and decide what he wants his life to be.By staying with him and accepting his justifications is only enabling him to continue what he is doing.

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    June 15, 2014 at 11:25 AM

    I would say from your story that you seem so lost and confused about what to do. I know how it feels to love a person that’s struggling with drugs and also know how it feels to be a drug addict. A few years ago my life was normal I work while going to school. I feel I love with this guy named Tim. The more and more I got to know him he let me into his life I was soon aware that his mother was an alcoholic but it seemed like the whole family just sort of lived around it not affected. Tim soon lost his job and that’s were it all started he went on a down hill from drinking to smoking. Just like you would state when he wanted something or was using he was mean & sometimes he would break my heart when he was depressed. His addiction not only became my life it consumed me. I gave him money and basically gave him the best parts of me. One day he got so mad that he pushed me so far away it was no way I would return. The reason why you should leave this toxic relationship is BC it will never be what you want it to be until he decides he want to be sober. After the relationship with Tim I was severely depressed for almost a year it was the most hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I soon found myself with 2 years in the midst of an cocaine addiction. I was damn near suicidal BC it took a toll on me. Everything I loved, my morals & values was pushed aside & cocaine gave me this high & happiness that nobody else could. I was so lost and no one in my family knew about my addiction. But eventually I got to a place were my life was at a four way stop. One path was to sober living it was going to be easy but I would find happiness, the second was to continue living the life I live and struggle which included the third and fourth path: the third was jail, and the fourth was death. So at the end of the day if this person can’t possible love you BC they can’t love theirselves. You have to do what’s best for you and that’s live your life BC the more you settle into his addiction the more you become consumed and lost in HIS world. So if he’s not willing to get help then let him know that you love him and you’ll always be there but you have to find strength to walk away. If he loves you like you love him his actions will let you know how deep his addiction is. Your mom should not encourage you to stay with a man that is lost. Find your strength and do what’s best for you. I hope this helps.

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