On May 26th, 2014 I will be exactly two years sober.
How I have been successful is really due to the same stubbornness that kept me drinking. Having always been on stage as a singer / entertainer I guess you can say that I am always looking for the adrenaline rush that I get when I am doing a show. The problem is is that I am an addict who never does anything half way. It's all the way or nothing which explains my limitless desires for something that will get me high.
After two DUI's, along with other charges and years of addiction that bounced between cocaine, ecstasy, alcohol and adderall, I no longer feel sick more often than feeling healthy. The relationships that I lost, the people I hurt, the jobs that I can now admit to that I was fired from, and the debt I owed are all in the past now.
Two years ago this month I was over $25,000 in debt to creditors and the government, had a car that was unreliable, no job, and no place to live. The hospital visits due to alcohol poisioning and a head injury from falling kept becoming more and more frequent. I knew that my chances of death were getting closer and closer. I had three things left: a family who loved me enough to not to enable me, my Puppy Dog, and my Dream of one day getting back to the job I loved, being on stage.
That was the day that I decided to start over. I checked myself into the rehab that I had been to before, but this time I was free of my adderall prescription and there on my own with no one making me stay. A couple of months before I made the scary decision to finally tell my doctor that I had been binging, taking double the doses.. and told him to cut me off. (Adderall with alcohol is a serious epidemic and automatic black-out.) At rehab I was angry, scared about where I was to go after that, yet already had it set in my mind that a new life lay ahead of me.
I got two jobs and worked 16 hour days for a year and a half. I guess you could say that I replaced my addictions with another addiction of work, but I knew that was the only thing I could do to reach my dreams / goals. Today I can say that I am proud of myself for the first time in many many years. I am back in Los Angeles, working steadily and beginning auditioning again.
Like I said before, my sobriety came from my own personal strength and stubbornness, love of my family, and new found beginning belief that God must exist. Prayer has changed my life.
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