As more states legalize the recreational use of marijuana, parents are finding it more challenging to talk to their teens about drug use. A new resource for parents, called the “Marijuana Talk Kit” takes this new landscape into account. It provides specific examples for starting conversations and answering teens’ questions about marijuana.

The free resource is being released today by the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids.

“With more states legalizing marijuana for recreational use, we were getting a lot of questions from parents about how to talk to their teens about marijuana,” said Heather Senior, LCSW, Parent Support Network Manager at the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids. “Teens are saying to their parents, ‘How can this be so bad if states are legalizing it?’”

The Talk Kit explains that although marijuana is legal in some states, it does not change the fact that all mind-altering substances — including marijuana — are harmful for the still-developing teen brain.

Explaining why you don’t want your teen to use marijuana requires more than scientific facts, Senior notes. Parents will be more effective in communicating with their teen if they use proven techniques to engage them in conversation, instead of simply lecturing them. “You’re facilitating positive communication, as well as offering them information,” she said.

For instance, if your teen shows interest in using marijuana, instead of telling them not to do it, you first want to remain calm and be curious about why they are interested in using a substance and what it may interfere with.  You could ask them, “What is it about marijuana that makes you want to use it? What are some things you enjoy doing that marijuana might get in the way of?” You could also add, “At your age, I would much rather you find healthy ways to cope with difficult feelings and situations than turn to drugs. Can we brainstorm other activities you would be interested participating in?” This shows concern, asks their permission and promotes collaboration in thinking through healthy alternatives, like music, reading or sports.

The Kit provides examples of difficult questions that teens can throw at parents, such as “Would you rather I drink alcohol? Weed is so much safer.” A parent could respond by asking, “What is going on in your life that makes you feel like you want to do either?,” or “Honestly, I don’t want you to be doing anything that can harm you — whether that’s smoking pot, cigarettes, drinking or behaving recklessly. I’m interested in knowing why you think weed is safer than alcohol.” Reminding your teen that you care deeply about his health and well-being, and expressing genuine curiosity about his thought process, is going to help him open up.

The question of legalization can be a thorny one for parents. The Talk Kit suggests several responses to the question, “But it’s legal in some states; why would they make something legal that could hurt me?” One response could be an invitation to a longer discussion on legalization, such as, “It’s legal at a certain age, like alcohol. I think that people in these states hope that by 21, they’ve given you enough time to make your own decision around it. But, let’s explore your question in more detail, because it’s a good one. Why would states make something legal that could be harmful?”

Or a parent could respond by using alcohol as an example. A parent might say, “Let’s look at alcohol; it’s legal, but causes damage, including DUIs, car accidents and other behavior that leads to jail time. Alcohol can also cause major health problems, including liver problems and car accidents.”

“Cigarettes are also legal, even though they are highly addictive and proven to cause birth defects and cancer. Just because something is legal and regulated doesn’t make it safe or mean it isn’t harmful.”

It’s never too early to start talking with children about the dangers of drug use, Senior says. “We’re seeing kids experimenting with drugs at 12, 13 and sometimes earlier,” she said. Before starting the conversation, parents should read up on the marijuana of today—it’s not the same as it was in their day. Not only is it more potent, but in states where marijuana is legal, marijuana “edibles” are popular, including baked goods and candy that resemble well-known foods—even gummy bears.

In addition to giving examples of what parents can say about marijuana, the Kit gives examples of what they shouldn’t say. “Parents should be aware of language that could be shaming, which can actually accelerate marijuana use in teens who are using it as a coping mechanism,” Senior said. “They’ll go right to it if they think their parents are disappointed in them.”

The Talk Kit provides parents with skills to talk with their teens about marijuana, but these skills can be about any difficult subject, Senior says. “Once parents learn these skills, it doesn’t matter what your teen throws at you,” she says. “It’s not just a script, it’s a skill set. Once you learn it and practice it, your teen can say anything to you and you can feel more comfortable with your reaction and response.”