As a teen, I was off to a good start. I loved school, and my friend group didn’t start drinking until my sophomore year in high school. That is when my unhealthy relationship with alcohol began. Later, while at the Fashion Institute of Technology, my classwork kept me focused. My rigorous schedule at a non-party school kept me on the right path. The first years after college were my loneliest drinking years, and I’d added cocaine to the mix. I started my weekends on Thursday, and I didn’t really recover until the following Wednesday. But even as days and weeks blended, I still had my senses. Looking in, I didn’t even see myself, and others saw how I was out of control, too.
Eventually, and as I’d moved into my mid-20s, I decided that I wanted to stop drinking, even if it put me in a lonely place for a while. I was sick of going out, getting messed up and waking up next to someone I didn’t know. I knew I wanted a healthy relationship. I wanted to be in love even if it meant I couldn’t drink champagne at my wedding.
Thankfully, the universe put healthy people in my life. I began working for a company I enjoyed, and they helped to change my trajectory. I went into an outpatient program and pivoted my social life by working long hours. Four years into my recovery, I met my husband. Today, 25 years later, I will celebrate my 50th birthday by running the TCS New York City Marathon with my kids cheering me along 4th Avenue in Brooklyn.
I’m so incredibly fortunate that I saw the light when I was young. I’ve learned from my mistakes and the consequences of my actions, and my kids know my recovery story. I’m running for their healthy futures and for my siblings still struggling with substance use.
Help support Courtney and the Partners for Hope Team in the 2022 TCS New York City Marathon: https://hope.drugfree.org/endurance-teams/courtneyhelm