Many students leave for college excited about having more freedom and independence. During the school year, they make their own choices about when to eat, sleep, study, and socialize. So, for some, coming home can feel like stepping backward.
Your child may miss their college friends, favorite activities, and the independence they enjoyed at school. Adjusting to living with their family again can be jarring. They may also worry that family members expect them to be exactly the same person they were before they left. But the reality is that your child has grown and changed.
One of the best ways to ease their anxiety is to talk with them about what they are experiencing. Listen more than you speak. Try to understand their point of view, even if you don’t agree with everything they say.
Ask open-ended questions, like:
These conversations help your child feel heard and understood.
Respect works both ways. Your child is becoming an adult, and they want more independence. At the same time, they are living in your home, where certain rules and expectations still apply.
Soon after they arrive home and are settled in, talk to them about:
Try to make this a conversation rather than a lecture. Ask for your child’s input and listen to their concerns. You may not agree on everything, but working together can prevent misunderstandings and arguments later.
Many college students expect to pick up where they left off with their high school friends. Sometimes that happens! But sometimes, it doesn’t.
Their friends may have moved away, changed interests, started jobs, or formed new social groups. And your child may have, too. This can leave them feeling lonely, disappointed, or left out.
Social media can make these feelings worse. Seeing photos of friends having fun can create a fear of missing out, often called FOMO. Remind your child that social media usually just shows the highlights of someone’s life—not the whole picture.
Encourage them to spend time with supportive friends, try new activities, or reconnect with old interests.
Not everything will go as planned during the summer. Your child may be dealing with boredom, stress, relationship problems, financial worries, uncertainty about the future, or disappointment about jobs and internships. But healthy coping skills can help them manage difficult emotions.
Encourage activities such as:
Avoid sending the message that alcohol or other drugs are a normal way to handle stress. Instead, ask: “What helps you feel better when you’re having a tough day?”
Working together to identify healthy coping strategies can build resilience and confidence.
The ages between 18 and 25 are a common time for mental health challenges to appear or become more noticeable. If transitioning home from college seems difficult, then transitioning to college can be even more challenging. Academic and social pressures, homesickness, and new, unexpected levels of independence can cause stress and anxiety, affecting a student’s mental health.
Pay attention if your child:
If you are concerned, talk openly with your child and help them connect with a healthcare provider, counselor, or mental health professional. Getting help early can make a big difference.
College students may encounter alcohol, marijuana, vaping products, nicotine pouches, tobacco, prescription medications like Adderall, and other substances. Rather than assuming your child knows the risks involved with substance use, have an honest conversation.
Discuss:
It is also important to talk about counterfeit pills and fentanyl. Many fake pills sold online or through social media contain fentanyl, a powerful opioid that can result in a fatal overdose, even in very small amounts. Make sure your child understands that any pill not prescribed directly to them or purchased from a licensed pharmacy could be dangerous.
Don’t forget about the medications in your own home. Many young people have easy access to prescription drugs stored in medicine cabinets, kitchen drawers, or bathroom cabinets. Keep medications secure and safely dispose of any expired or unused medicines.
Summer often means more social events, parties, road trips, and late nights. Talk with your child about how they will stay safe.
When your child gets home, be sure to discuss:
Make it clear that if they find themselves in an unsafe situation, they can always call you. Knowing they have a safe way out can save lives.
The most important thing you can do is maintain a strong connection with your child. Try not to focus most of your conversations around rules, grades, or substance use. Instead, spend time together. Show interest in their life. Celebrate their successes. Support them through challenges. When young adults know they can turn to their parents for guidance, they are more likely to make healthy choices and ask for help when they need it.
The goal is not to control your child. Rather, the goal is to stay connected while helping them grow into a healthy, independent adult.
1. Is it normal for my college student to seem distant when they come home?
Yes. Many students need time to adjust to being back home. They have been living independently and may need space while they settle back into family life. Stay patient and keep communication open.
2. Should my child have a curfew during the summer?
Every family is different. Instead of imposing rules without discussion, talk together about expectations, safety, and respect for everyone in the household. Having boundaries that you both agree on will make them far more likely to stay within them.
3. What if my child spends most of their time in their room?
Some alone time is normal. However, if they are isolating themselves for weeks, avoiding friends and family, or showing signs of depression or anxiety, it may be time to check in and seek support.
4. How do I talk to my child about drinking, marijuana, or vaping without starting an argument?
Choose a calm moment, ask questions, listen carefully, and avoid lecturing. Focus on safety, health, and making informed decisions rather than punishment.
5. When should I seek professional help for my child?
Consider reaching out for professional support if your child shows ongoing signs of depression, anxiety, substance misuse, major changes in behavior, or talks about harming themselves. Early support often leads to better outcomes.