Quick overview: If your teen says vaping helps them relax, don’t dismiss it — the stress is real, even if vaping is the wrong tool for it. Nicotine can create a few minutes of relief, then leave your child more on edge as it wears off, which keeps the cycle going. Respond with curiosity instead of an argument, look for the stress underneath the vaping, and help your child build other ways to cope. You can address both at once.
You recently found out your child is vaping. When you asked why, they said something many parents hear:
“It helps me relax.”
“It helps with stress.”
“It calms me down.”
You may not know what to say next. Is vaping really helping your child? Are they just making excuses? Should you be worried about stress, vaping, or both?
The answer is that both matter. Even if vaping is causing problems, your child’s stress is real and deserves attention.
When parents hear, “Vaping helps me relax,” they often respond with:
“No it doesn’t.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“You’re just making excuses.”
While these reactions are understandable, they usually end the conversation.
Instead, start with curiosity. Your child may genuinely believe vaping helps them feel calmer. The goal is to understand what they are experiencing before trying to change it.
Many vape products contain nicotine. Nicotine can create a temporary feeling of relief or relaxation. But that feeling usually doesn’t last long. As nicotine leaves the body, people may begin to feel:
Using nicotine again relieves those feelings for a short time. Over time, it can become a cycle: Stress → Vape → Temporary Relief → Cravings → More Stress → Vape Again
Your child may feel better in the moment, but nicotine may actually be increasing their stress over time.
Sometimes, vaping is not the main problem, but a coping mechanism. It may be a sign that your child is struggling with:
Instead of focusing only on the vape, try to understand what is happening underneath it.
Try asking:
You don’t need perfect answers. Your goal is simply to keep the conversation going.
Parents naturally want to fix problems. But many teens want to feel understood before they hear advice. Try reflecting what you hear.
For example:
Teen: “School is stressful.”
Parent response: “It sounds like you’ve been feeling a lot of pressure.”
Teen: “I never get a break.”
Parent response: “You feel like things have been nonstop.”
When teens feel heard, they are often more open to discussing change. For more practice, try our free, self-paced course on reflections.
If vaping has become your child’s main coping skill, they need other ways to handle stress.
Every child is different, but healthy coping tools may include:
Movement
Physical activity can help lower stress.
Examples:
Talking
Encourage your child to talk with:
Creative Activities
Some teens relax through:
Relaxation Skills
Simple tools can help, including:
Rest and Sleep
Many teens are exhausted. Lack of sleep can make stress and cravings feel worse.
When trying to figure out how to help your child struggling with substance use, one of the most helpful things to do is understand why they’re using in the first place. Helpline specialist Karla Castro-Soto, MS in Marriage & Family Therapy, answers some of parents’ most commonly asked questions about their child’s drug use.
Many teens become convinced that vaping is the only thing that helps. Rather than arguing, try saying: “I hear that vaping feels helpful right now. Let’s see if we can find other things that help too.”
This keeps the door open instead of creating a power struggle.
Consider seeking professional support if your child:
Sometimes vaping is a symptom of a larger emotional struggle that deserves attention.
Parents sometimes feel they must focus on one or the other. In reality, both matter.
You can say: “I understand you’ve been stressed, and I want to help with that. I also want to help you find ways to cope that don’t involve nicotine.”
This approach communicates care while still setting limits.
If your child says vaping helps with stress, don’t assume they are lying or manipulating you. Instead, get curious. Ask questions. Listen carefully. Look for the stress underneath the behavior.
Helping your child manage stress in healthy ways may be one of the most important things you can do—not only when it comes to vaping, but for their overall well-being.
Parent: “You’ve said vaping helps you with stress. I’d like to understand that better.”
Teen: “It just helps me relax.”
Parent: “What kinds of things have been stressing you out lately?”
Teen: “School. Friends. Everything.”
Parent: “It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot.”
Teen: “Yeah.”
Parent: “I appreciate you telling me. Let’s think about some ways to deal with that stress. I also want to help you move away from nicotine because I don’t want it becoming something you depend on.”
Sometimes, it might not be possible to have a conversation in person right away. Here are some text message ideas:
When You Want To Open a Conversation
“You mentioned that vaping helps with stress. I’d really like to understand what has been stressing you out lately.”
When Your Child Seems Overwhelmed
“I know you’ve had a lot on your plate lately. If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”
When You’re Concerned About Nicotine
“I understand vaping may feel helpful in the moment. I’m worried about nicotine becoming something your brain starts depending on.”
When You Want To Be Supportive
“We can work on stress and vaping at the same time. You don’t have to figure this out alone.”
Nicotine can create a short-term feeling of relief. However, nicotine cravings can increase stress over time, creating a cycle of needing more nicotine to feel okay.
If your child struggles with anxiety, it’s important to address both the anxiety and the vaping. A pediatrician or mental health professional can help.
Consequences may still be appropriate, but it’s important to understand and address the stress behind the behavior.
Keep the door open. Let them know you care and are available when they are ready to talk. Sometimes several short conversations work better than one long discussion.
Exercise, talking with trusted people, creative activities, mindfulness, adequate sleep, and counseling can all help manage stress.
Sometimes. Vaping can be connected to anxiety, depression, trauma, or other emotional challenges. If you have concerns, seek professional guidance.
Consider professional support if stress is interfering with your child’s daily life, if vaping is becoming frequent, or if your child is struggling to quit.
Please reach out to our helpline specialists if you need assistance with addressing your child’s mental health and nicotine use. They can help you develop a plan and point you to other useful resources.