When families fight a lot, it’s hard on everyone. But it can be especially tough on kids and teens. Whether it’s yelling, divorce, money problems, or someone in the family using alcohol other drugs, young people often feel the stress—even if they’re not directly involved.
You might not know this, but family conflict can raise the risk of substance use in teens. When kids feel upset, scared, or alone at home, they may try to cope by using alcohol, marijuana, or other drugs.
In this article, you’ll learn:
Every family argues sometimes. That’s normal. But when fighting happens a lot or is very intense, it can really hurt a child’s emotional health.
Some examples of more serious family conflict, and issues that can lead to them, include:1
In some families, this kind of conflict may be seen as “normal” based on culture or how the parents were raised. But even if it feels common, it can still cause harm—especially to kids.
Kids and teens are still learning how to deal with big emotions. When things at home feel scary or tense, they might shut down, act out or feel distressed.2 Here are some ways family conflict can affect them:3
When a teen struggles with family conflict and doesn’t have a healthy way to process their emotions, they may use substances like alcohol or cannabis as a coping mechanism. It makes sense, then, that a young person under serious stress due to family conflict could turn to substances for temporary relief from their pain.4 And being exposed to family conflict early in life may increase a person’s risk of developing a substance use disorder later in life.5
Check off any that apply:
☐ My child seems anxious or withdrawn
☐ There’s a lot of yelling or arguing at home
☐ My child avoids being at home
☐ We’ve had a hard divorce or separation
☐ Someone in the house uses drugs or drinks too much
☐ My child is acting out or getting into trouble
☐ They talk about wanting to “get away” or feel numb
☐ We don’t talk much about emotions or problems
☐ There’s stress or tension almost every day
☐ I don’t know how to talk to my child about this stuff
If you checked 2 or more boxes, it might be time to take a closer look at how things at home are affecting your teen.
Sometimes kids don’t tell you they’re hurting—but their behavior can show it. Watch for:
These can be signs that your child is using substances to deal with stress.
You don’t have to be perfect—but there are ways you can support your child and create a safer home environment.
Strengthen your relationships: A strong bond with your child can help reduce the chances that they’ll engage in risky behaviors like substance use. Try to have family time together, whether it’s a meal, a walk together, or simply talking in the car.
Talk and listen: Let your child know they can come to you without fear. Ask how they’re feeling and really listen. Try to have regular, honest talks.
Help them find healthy outlets. This could mean exercising, doing an art activity, joining a club, or seeing trusted friends. Healthy risk-taking (such as trying a sport they’ve never played) can help challenge them and prevent them from taking more dangerous risks.
Find a mentor: A trusted adult outside of the family can help your loved one’s confidence and self-esteem while protecting them against risky behaviors. A mentor can help support a child if they’re struggling within their family.
Get help from a professional: If things feel out of control or painful, therapy can help. Options include family or couples counseling or possibly individual therapy for you or your child. If there’s abuse or violence at home, make safety your top priority. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you’re in a dangerous family situation. The Domestic Violence Hotline is a free, confidential 24/7 service that can help.
Take care of yourself too: When you’re calm and healthy, it helps your child feel safe. Try taking breaks when you’re stressed. Talk to a friend or join a support group. You’re not being selfish—you’re being a good role model.
Family conflict is hard—but change is possible. Even if your family has been through a lot, you can take small steps to help your child feel safer and more supported. Start with one change today such as a shared meal, a real conversation or asking for help. Your family’s story isn’t defined by conflict—it’s shaped by how you respond to it.
Not sure what to do next? You’re not alone. One of our caring specialists is here to listen, answer your questions, and help you figure out the best next steps —at your pace, and without judgment.