You’re at the dinner table and your child’s phone buzzes. They pick it up to check it and their face falls. You can tell they’re anxious and upset. After asking a few times, they show you their phone, revealing Instagram messages from someone in their class saying nasty things about their weight. You’re shocked. How are you supposed to navigate cyberbullying? How can you help your child?
The internet is a powerful tool—it connects people, provides information, and offers entertainment. But it also has a dark side. Social media has made cyberbullying easier, and the effects can be devastating.
Cyberbullying can have an extremely negative effect on teen mental health and potentially result in an increased use of illegal substances. It’s possible that your loved one has been cyberbullied, is a perpetrator, or has witnessed it. Learn more about it below – and how to help your loved one if you suspect they are struggling.
Cyberbullying happens when someone sends, posts, or shares mean, harmful, or false content about someone else. It can also include sharing private information to humiliate someone. Unlike traditional bullying, cyberbullying doesn’t stop at school—it can follow kids home, happening whenever they’re online or on an electronic device.1
Examples include:2
Cyberbullying is different from traditional bullying in a few ways. Even though it’s not happening face-to-face, it is still just as harmful. In fact, because cyberbullying doesn’t happen in person, it can create new opportunities for a bully to harass their victim:
Anonymity: The Internet offers anonymity, meaning that people can hide behind their screen and say things they would never say in person. So, they can harass someone without the other person ever knowing who they are.
Constant access: Cyberbullying can happen anytime and perhaps more frequently. By contrast, in-person bullying might only happen when someone is at school or socializing with peers.
Harder for adults to detect: The lack of in-person contact can make cyberbullying difficult for adults to notice. At school, a teacher could overhear one student bullying another and step in, but likely won’t see the harassing messages a student is reading from their phone. Young people are also naturally under less supervision when on the internet as opposed to when they are in a physical setting.
Permanent record: Cyberbullying always leaves a trail. Most social media posts and online communications live forever, even if they are deleted. This can have consequences for both the victim and the bully. For example, sending threatening messages could lead to someone getting suspended from school, which could stay on their record and make getting into college difficult.
Bullying is considered an adverse child experience (ACE), which is associated with mental and physical health issues later in life. Youth who experience bullying in any form – whether they are bullied or bully others – are at higher risk of experiencing mental health issues compared to those who do not.
Data shows that around 50% of adolescents in the United States have experienced cyberbullying in some way.3 Those at highest risk of being bullied may:
Additionally, the National Crime Victimization Survey found that female students were more likely to be bullied than male students.4 Teenage girls are also more likely to be cyberbullied.
Signs that your loved one may be cyberbullied may include:5
Often, kids who are being bullied don’t report it. They might feel ashamed or embarrassed, fear consequences from the bully, or even think that no one cares. So, it is important to know the signs of a potential bullying problem:
Behavioral problems: Young people who are cyberbullied may develop behavioral problems. These can include:
Physical health concerns: A cyberbully victim might experience physical problems such as headaches and stomach aches and/or have trouble sleeping. You may also see negative changes in their eating habits.
Depression and self-harm: Cyberbullying victims may be at higher risk of developing mental health issues, especially depression, than those who experience or are involved in bullying that does not take place online. Studies have found that teens who experience cyberbullying are at a significantly increased risk of having suicidal thoughts and of self-harm (e.g. cutting, skin-picking).7
Substance use: Mental health and substance use disorders commonly co-occur. People experiencing mental health disorders such as depression may use substances like alcohol to cope with feeling sad or anxious, ultimately making their mental health worse. While research on the specific connection between substance use disorder and cyberbullying is limited, there is evidence to suggest that adolescents who experience cyberbullying may be at increased risk of using substances to cope.8
Cyberbullies themselves likely struggle with low self-esteem and mental health issues that need to be addressed. In fact, research shows that many children who cyberbully others have themselves been cyberbullied.9 They may want to take out the hurt that they have experienced on others.
Signs that a teen is cyberbullying others include:10
Just like kids who are cyberbullied, those who cyberbully others are also at significantly higher risk of using substances.11 Teens who bully are also likely to have physical and mental health issues.
Children who witness cyberbullying may not know what to do or how to cope. They can also struggle with negative mental and physical health. Some research has linked witnessing cyberbullying to increased suicidal ideation.12 One study also found that simply witnessing cyberbullying might be linked to increased substance use.13
If you recognize the potential signs, don’t hesitate to act. Here are some steps you can take:
You will likely be upset if you learn that your child has cyberbullied others. But remember that young people who cyberbully others are likely struggling themselves. Some steps you can take to support them include:
Witnessing cyberbullying can be hard for children. They may not know how exactly to respond and may fear that they will be bullied themselves or lose social standing if they intervene. They might even be concerned that they’ll make things worse for the victim. However, you can teach them that they can make a difference:
Underage substance use can be prevalent amongst cyberbullying victims, perpetrators, and bystanders. Signs of substance use in young people include:
If you notice these signs, don’t hesitate to act. Seek professional help if necessary. If you know or suspect that your child is using substances to cope with being cyberbullied and are not sure where to turn, contact us for support here.
It can be frightening if your loved one is struggling with being cyberbullied, but with your support and guidance, you can help prevent the negative mental and physical health consequences.