Reading a book may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but Beyond Addiction by Dr. Jeffrey Foote is a wonderful resource for families addressing the importance of self-care, conversation skills and ways to encourage healthier behaviors rather than substance use. There is a free companion workbook called the Partner’s 20 Minute Guide that has helpful exercises further explaining the skills presented in the book.
Another book that may be helpful is Get Your Loved One Sober by Dr. Robert Meyers. Built on his own experiences with addiction in the family, he offers practical suggestions on ways to address a partner’s substance use.
Personal counseling may be helpful to you to deal with the emotional ups and downs you’re likely facing. Your insurance company or Psychology Today can offer counselors to work with you – just be sure they have training in addiction.
If you are seeking outpatient or inpatient programs for your partner use this treatment locator offering programs across the country. After using the search criteria, you will still have to call the programs to make sure they are a good fit for your loved one. And, if your partner has other mental health issues, be sure any program you select treats both problems in an integrated way.
Also, know that there are medications that can help with withdrawal symptoms and cravings for opioids, alcohol and nicotine. If your loved one hasn’t tried them, it may be something to consider as a part of treatment.
Some partners/spouses may be willing to consider moderating their substance use – even though your goal may differ. Although Moderation Management speaks primarily to alcohol the ideas they present can be applied to other substances.
There are a number of organizations that can provide you with peer support including:
Allies in Recovery offers some great resources and worksheets as to how to suggest treatment while attending to your own self-care and more.
And if you have children, know that they are at greater risk for substance use problems than someone without a family history. Learn more about the risks, but also the protective factors on our website.
Lastly, here are some tips on setting boundaries, engaging in your own self-care, educating yourself, and staying safe. Remember that it likely took quite a bit of time for these problems to develop and it may take time for the situation to improve. Be patient and be kind to yourself.