Stay Close

A mother wrote to me: Things are better at the moment, but we have ups and downs. I am working on the “loving with detachment” issue. I spend hours each day trying to look at where I went wrong as a parent or what I should have done differently. I’ve been to Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and private counseling, but the pain is always there. The best advice I ever received was from my pastor/counselor who told me to, “Keep on telling her you love her and mean it, because you’ll never regret those words.” 

My Reflection: There is a Tibetan expression, “Even if the rope breaks nine times, we must splice it back together a tenth time. Even if ultimately we do fail, at least there will be no feelings of regret.”

The Director at San Patrignano said it a different way, stagli vicino – stay close to him. Loving with detachment was a hard concept for me to understand, but I understood clearly stagli vicino – don’t abandon him, but don’t give him money. This made sense to me and, in the end it worked for our family, for my son.

Today’s Promise: Today I will stay close to my child. Even if he is unlovable and certainly when he is at his worst, I will stay close.