Addicted to Our Drug Addict

Although I have always hesitated to be an advocate for anything because perspectives often change over time, I do consider myself now an advocate for living the best life I can.  This means acknowledging the fact that no one has control over the choices I make but myself.  I also acknowledge the fact that we don’t always have control over what happens in our lives.  But what we do have control over is what we do with what happens to us.

So, that being said, I have been thinking a lot about  the people whose lives are still completely consumed by the bad choices of their drug addicted loved ones.  I’ve learned from my own experience that waiting for the drug addict to miraculously begin making good choices is hopeless.  Until I became proactive and slowly began to change myself, things were always the same — full of drama.

At the end of the day, we all know our time on Earth is short.   There is no guarantee that any of us will still be alive tomorrow, or even the next minute.  Do we want to spend the remainder of our lives dictated by someone else’s bad choices?  Yes, we believe that we are responsible for the bad choices our children make and feel responsible to make things right.  And just how long are we going to believe this?  I know parents whose children are in their 30s and 40s and still believe that it is their responsibility to make things right!

In order to move forward, I removed the concept of “blame”.  It is a great crutch to rely on and gets us nowhere. When the responsibility is moved to the person making the bad choices, it changes the dynamic of everyone and everything around them.  I did not take the blame anymore and I changed my priority to controlling my life instead of trying to orchestrate someone else’s.  Although trying to control our own lives is not so easy, it is not as frustrating as trying to rely on someone else to meet our expectations.  No expectations, less judgment, less stress.

We can be sad for the situation.  We can love our drug addicts and have compassion.  We can encourage them when they take even tiny steps in the right direction.  When my priority changed to enhance my quality of life rather than my loved one’s, I became a better, more centered person.  This new person was actually much more useful in the long run for the betterment of the addict too.  Whether or not the addict improves his own station in life, the value and quality of our own lives should not rest on each move of our addicted loved ones.  My recovery from my addiction to my drug addict began way before his recovery from his addiction to drugs.  This was my choice and I highly recommend it to everyone.

Take a few moments today to enjoy the good things in your life.

22 Responses

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    Denise Krochta

    February 10, 2013 at 4:12 AM

    So sorry this is going on in your life. Don’t feel alone in this. There are a lot of us who “know”. I wanted to let you know that I have been hosting a radio show to support those who loved addicts for over 2 years now. Each week I interview an expert or experienced person about a topic of interest to loved ones. I hope you will check out the archives and listen to some of the shows. I try to offer resources, possibilities, and hope in each show. Many of the stories are quite hopeful even from real hopeless situations. Sometimes it is difficult to find the hope, I admit that. But feel free to pick some topics and listen. You might find some strength and comfort.

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