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Jamie was my brother and my friend. He lived fiercely and fearlessly. He was caught up in a world of drugs and alcohol. He was a fun-loving, intelligent guy who wanted peace and excitement in his life. A part of me died that day and I will never forget who he was and what he meant to me. Jamie, your spirit will live on forever and ever in the hearts of your friends and family.
It's a shame that we all grow up believing life is a fairy tale. It's this crazy unpredictable unknown path that we follow that is never quite what we expect. People die off, money dwindles, time slips away and hearts never fully heal (like people so often promise). Through the darkness of my brother's death I have seen the truth -- that sometimes life will leave you not wanting to wake up. However, through the pain I realize we have no choice but to live on. We are taught to believe in heaven. This magical place people all hope to go. But what if when it's all over we just -- plan and simple -- are gone? What if we're left to live on in the hearts of others? I was raised a Christian and to believe in God. I just can't help but wonder if heaven is just another fairy tale. I wonder why my brother was taken -- where did he go? Does he feel pain? Clearly, dying is a part of life...and life is just one big mystery. Or, a fairy tale -- no gone bad -- one gone different. No one cares to question life until they feel the pain of losing someone. God forbid a brother. I can't help but to carry the pain and empiness from the years that he lost. He didn't deserve to leave this eart so soon...gone from existence. I guess I should be asking God to grant me the serenity to accept this...which I can't change. But instead, I want to leave it at the mere truth -- life is a tornado of disappointments.
Never believe that anything is promised. Never take a person that you love for granted. Shower teh people you love with love. Always show them the way you feel. Take the time to TELL them that you accept and love them no matter what happens in this life, no matter what path they may choose. Never waste time condemning them. Because you might just be like me and find yourself staring into an empy room...where a person you loved once lived and needed your love.
If I could say one last thing to my brother, I would say: I would die tomorrow to give you a second chance at life. I love you. Just maybe in this place we call heaven people can look down and feel the pain of the ones they have left behind. I hope you know how heavy my heart is now that I carry us both. There's no more loneliness. You are weightless and perfect. Like you always have been in my eyes. I love you.
You sister always & forever,
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